I tried to tell him it was only 2:00, but he said since it was 5:00 in New York, it was perfectly acceptable. He then put on a Blues Brothers hat and a pair of wayfarers and left. I expect him home in a few hours with a police escort.
I could be a Disney star with the amount of nude photos of mine that get leaked.
I locked the porch door but I left a spare key on top of the keg on the side of the house
isn't that the guy who always buys you drinks?
yeah. i love a man who still buys me drinks after the bar cuts me off.
next time on intervention
There is a positive side to a sinus infection. Exclusively cowgirl sex. I've convinced her I'd pass out if I had to do the work.
fuck it. im taking monday off to do some Jagering.
Can we be in one of those super weird relationships where you carry me around everywhere?
That's not your dick yours is smaller. Nice try.
Wait why do you have a pic of someone else's dick in your phone?
Soooo fucked this chick last night! While fucking she started talking into the fan on the side of my bed. Does that count as sex with a robot
It's fun yes. But hard on the body. I woke up with her purse, socks and one of her shoes in my room. The other shoe was outside. What the fuck were we doing last night?
I want you to get off the plane and get directly into my pants
found one of my socks in the dishwsaher... xanax
It wasn't until I lost my earring that I realized "I've been here before". Turns out we fucked a year ago. We've decided to make it a tradition.
I just gave a fucking twenty minute blowiob.. I'm a GOOD girlfriend.
I’m making a jello mold of my penis
Will it be as disappointing as your actual penis?
Randomize
