I'm pretty sure the only race ive ever won was to my mothers egg
Disgusting. If I saw her naked my dick would pack up his balls and leave.
Things you owe me: a sober apology, $12, the removal of bbq sauce from my doorknob
I just looked at a girl and was like what disease does she have? And then my mind caught up ohhh shes pregnant.
There's a time and a place for everything. Except for getting wasted at a work event, puking in the parking lot, and sleeping in your car overnight.
She's working this semester. Her dad saw he was listed as 'the atm' on her phone and cut off tuition for three months.
dont eat that thats our sex nutella.
It's kind of awesome I can smoke with my parents and tell them about thetime we used listerine in that bong
You know you're hung over when the glare from the cream cheese on your bagel is just too bright...
He's like... An octopus that touches my vagina in all these diff ways at the right times. It's almost unsettling
NO ITS THAT IM A SEXUAL DEVIANT AND CANT FILTER MYSELF
Oral stamina is what keeps life exciting
I was at his place until 2am. We just sat really close an stared at each other. I think you are right. Germans must not have feelings. Not even tingly ones in their pants.
Is it sad that my idea of a quality foursome would involve one person eating me out while the other two rub my feet?
You know you started drinking too early in the day when you have a hangover at midnight
thats called having FUN
Randomize
