you didnt know i had herpes?
I'm at verizon, the guy asked me why my phone is full of seeds. Deff. Not leaving my phone with you anymore.
Ok...drunk girls at the bar are charging $1 for motorboating. It's fucking WEDNESDAY. I never want to leave.
Dude you were sitting on a bench on the street with her for 45 minutes thinking you were on the bus
Breaking into his house to steal the sheets I'd drunk pissed on before he got home was not how I wanted to be spending spring break
she keeps a switchblade in her panty drawer... i am both terrified and slightly turned on
She looks like a hot George Washington...I'm going for it
...and that's why girls with IBS don't paint their nails
Sometimes intelligent conversation doesn't mix well with a romantic interest. It's possible the two are best kept separate. Toys should just stay in the toy box.
YOUR TO-DO SEX LIST CANNOT CONSIST ENTIRELY OF MY THREE BEST FRIENDS
and their significant others
AND THEIR SIGNIFICANT OTHERS
Apparently I made a chicken patty, angrily took it out of the microwave, walked outside, and threw it over the balcony. #me
I'm like a saiyan, every time I get trashed I come back stronger
My god imagine how much cum is in that astroturf
Once upon a time I threw up in my own hands last night.
So I was having a really bad night...so I decided to steal a pumpkin.
Randomize
