i wants your nipples near my face. PLEASE????
i jus seen this fat chick walk buy look like she had don king coming out her arm pits..
Whose surfboard did we steal and why is there a wood carving of a pelican in the fridge where the beer used to be?
i'm dressed up like the coppertone baby and being hit on a guy in a monk costume. the irony is not lost on me.
you tried to arm wrestle for the title of "mom's favorite son"
she gave me a disgusted look and asked how i could live with myself. because i havent seen the rocky horror picture show. and then dumped me.
I just had to take a drug test for my new job. I should have asked them if they could tell me if I were pregnant or not while they were at it and save me the guesswork.
The vibrator you gave me is probably the one thing I will never give up if we got robbed at gunpoint
that beer fried lasagna last night was sooo good
that wasnt beer fried lasagna, you just poured beer on my lasagna
I think that the jello shots in bowls is where it all went wrong.
Just because I stayed up all night betting on Australian Horse Racing doesn't mean I have a gambling program.
Fun. You missed it. Michael broke a door with his erection.
well you did quote socrates while playing beer pong and then proceeded to fall down
This lady is talking to me and all I can think about is getting face fucked and doing cocaine. Not neccesarily together and not neccesarily in that order
I’m going to bedazzle that dick
What does that even mean
No idea, but I guarantee he’ll get hard every time he remembers it
Randomize
