1:32a: I quit. signing up for eharmony. Don't judge
kevin brought a 6ft brunette runway model with him tonight. Now, im not sure what the fuck the color of the " i get it, its over, Im ugly" flag is.... but i'll wave it.
Sandwiches eeeeeeverywhere.
I just had an epiphany. There is NOTHING TO STOP ME from making cake mix and eating it all instead of making a cake. It feels like my entire life has peaked at this moment.
I twisted my ankle last night doing a super high five with 3 inch heels on.
Why is there a case of Coors Light with my address on it?
I fukin lobve the states. Girls here let me fuck them because they like my accent. I may not go back
Why did I just get a ziplock baggie labeled "2010" on it from you in the mail?
Drunk. But sober enough to know I hate gymnastics.
Until she magically finds a brain, I'm going to be a dick. Fair trade. She's a idiot, I'm an ass.
And. I know i am a gay man cause when i saw the pic of his cock his feet were in it and i am like what the fuck?
Well I don't think you can suck his dick while he's making pizza. I think that goes against some health codes.
She's on her period. You don't know what fear is.
His brother just asked him in all seriousness if it would be cool if they became eskimo brother brothers.
Wow this just keeps getting better, weed, shrooms, a stripper..........a gun.
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