Dude i dont know how people can complain that waterboarding is such a bad thing. I just sat through a fucking puddle of mudd show. Now thats torture
Mr. Last Night just informed me I told him to be very quiet when he left this morning and high-fived him as a goodnight kiss. Drunk me is slutty and manly.
She told me that she had to rub her face against me because she was part cat.
I cut holes in my blanket and put my arms through it. It's the sleeveless "Bro Edition" Snuggie.
what part of covering your puke with shaving cream seemed like a good idea?
That's the last time we joust in Radio Flyer wagons after margarita night.
The kids I taught this morning even knew i was drunk. One of them even said, and I quote, "You smell like my dad after he goes bowling."
If I believed in "responsibility" and "having limits", I would probably say I consumed too much alcohol in the last 48 hours
Thats gotta be it. Also just found out that the fireworks will fit in the airsoft pistols...we are all gonna die
I had to wash my hair with conditioner because my sister got hammered and gave the dog a 3am sprinkler bath with my shampoo.
Definition of cool: he wants a back tattoo of three horses running through a "paisley explosion"
How did he even become this person? Like what drugs has he done??
So I had sex in the woods today. Anything else that happened today? Irrelevant. It was a GOOD day.
I just had a flashback to us shaking up Gatorade mix and then inhaling it in your kitchen because it was funny. Now I can't stop laughing in work because that is the stupidest shit.
I love you man but my hope is that you will not wake me up again by pissing on me
I dont know who to turn my two weeks notice into so I'm just going to get hammered at work and see who fires me.
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