I prefer the term 'tenderly watching'
such a stalker...
she wanted to love me. she just didn't know it yet.
Thanks to blow jobs, my margarita's at the bar are only 3dollars.
Strip flip cup NEVER equals good idea
I asked my mom, she said yes...but you have to shower with grandpa.
hey soul. what's that? you, dignity and pride are left for the night? coulda told me that before i vomited all over my mother.
We are brilliant. We call it the pint walk. Killing a pint of vodka while we walk from cleveland park to dupont. just making mama proud
Make sure to show her the sewer we were arrested in on your tour.
I would not wish his dick upon my worst enemy
I think my goal for this black wed is to not scream at an off duty state cop in a bar after trying to flirt with him. No need to make that an annual tradition
threw up in the kitchen showroom. home depot employee of the month.
We passed my parents while I was giving him road head...that awkward
I invited you and you fucked me in the face with the penis of disappointment and shit.
Go have fun. I'm gonna go shower off the regret.
I think he fucked my hip out of place.
Grandma keeps pulling a bottle of captain from her pocket and spiking people's drinks.. She just yelled "I'm DAMN HOT to be a grandma!" .. I LOVE HER.
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