trying to fathom saturday night and the fact that Rainn Wilson now hates me. my brain hurts.
im trying to make cookies in the george foreman
I really wanna talk..
if by talk you mean have nasty makeup sex involving marshmellow fluff.. I'm down
I just woke up in a puddle of boob sweat. Definitely time to consider a reduction.
I just got asked if I have a rule for sleeping with people. Like they have to buy me dinner first etc...
On that note, do I have a rule?
we made out inside of a kiddie slide for about 20 mins. it was the sexiest, most suffocating experience I've ever had
pretty sure if my vagina had a mouth, it would have been smiling afterwards.
Standards? I'm sitting on his couch eating microwaved ramen wearing his wife's t-shirt. I don't remember what having standards even feels like.
foreskin is a definite game changer
I think I just got propositioned for sex by the lady behind the counter at dunkin donuts
You gotta buy me dinner first. Or smoke me out. Both are equally chivalrous
Love these next 4 months. Wake up from a college football hangover and get to put your hand down your pants and watch NFL football all day.
is it fucked up if I wear crotchless panties to thanksgiving to make it easier for me to fuck my cousins friend.
God I love you.
So the door man at the local dispensary started giving me motivational talks about my beard...
Why are you hurting?
Tried to drink all the beer in Nashville last night....failed.
Randomize
