yea i came on her face and told her to bring a snorkel next time
i don't think i ever formally apologized for that time i threw up on your dog.... well...here it is...
I had no idea a 5'8 girl could fit entirely on her knees in front of the passenger seat of a Sunfire, but I am very happy to now have that knowledge.
You ordered 6 boxes of pizza and laughed in the pizza guys face when you didn't pay for any of them.
and i'm going to kill you for what you did to my nipples last night. of course i want to hang out
Aside from the fact that im drinking wine straight from the bottle to save doing dishes, im also standing in front of the oven to save turning on the heater. its gonna be a rough winter.
Who wants vodka and apple sauce
This is what happens when you live with someone you met on Grindr
So if a girl goes for it you're gonna stop her and tell her you gave up ejaculation for lent?
I don't remember coming in last night, but apparently I ate a piece of pizza because when I woke up I had pizza crust stuck to the back of my thighs.
Crowning achievement. I bought ranch dressing and emergency contraception.
I woke up in your kitchen with my ID in my hand and my nails were painted electric blue. Dude.... never let me have fireball again.
he's been 21 for 38 minutes and he's already trying to fist fight this dude over his girl
awwwww babys first drunken mistake
In a few weeks I'll be a beautiful butterfly and me and my cat will have to repopulate the earth. WE WILL REBUILD!!
Intelligence report: the hot sister called you gross, the sweet sister says you're dumb, and the smart sister says all the other men she knows would have to die for her to hook up with you.
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