sorry I didn't call you. I had your number saved as "girl that offered bj but didn't follow thru".
You had already cockblocked me. The cops were just an assist.
I told my mom happy mother's day then rubbed my belly and said "Oh, and happy grandmother's day too..." She started sobbing. You were right, that wasn't the best way to tell her.
You coming out tonight? We gotta hang out before I move to Madison. BTW I'm moving to Madison.
i should not be allowed to orgasm that much in one day.
I fucked a 6'7 Danish man. In the ocean. At 5am. Greetings from Florida!
He broke up with me over the phone while I was getting my bush waxed into a "D" for his surprise birthday present. Talk about bad timing...
Is it acceptable to cry on a Friday or am I supposed to drink to forget it?
Btw kudos to your tongue last night. Sorry about that lady jizz in your beard.
Then she looked me straight in the eyes and asked me if I missed my foreskin. Weirdest conversation ever.
I'm not sure. But he has a pet sugar glider. So, points either way
As long as that's not his name for his dick.
He woke up to me masturbating during the presidential address. Now he won't stop making jokes.
The night they met I slept with both of them. Of course I'm best man.
Hypothetically, I throw a party and my ex-boyfriend and my current fuck buddy are in the same house... what should I do?
How many beds are in the house? Hypothetically...
You know you're getting old when you pick up hot sorority girls at the bar, and they write down their phone number, and under it 'we're great babysitters!'
Randomize
