hes totally cute, too bad i slept with his father
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawn mower thinking of you
He compliments me like a gay guy and fucks me like a starved nympho. I'm in love.
I was pissing in the urinal at the concert and some drunk chick ran in and yelled 'but the lines to fucking long' then ran out with 10 state troopers chasing her... Yeah
The amount of alcohol I'm going to consume on my birthday is directly proportional to the amount of shit I've had to put up with this past year. Which is a lot.
It was pretty bad. Like cum-on-my-face-while-singing-Let-It-Snow bad.
Meh. People are people bro. All of us are hairless psychotic apes. Happy 420.
I know I've wanted to fuck him for the past month, but when you're that hungover, the only chemistry you have is with a pillow and a gallon of water.
I'm not sure. But a mason jar of drug free urine just as soon as anyone can would be so awesome.
He asked me if I wanted to blow his whistle and proceeded to pull out an actual whistle.
I told him to come over when I realized that I did have time for a quick booty call before church.
you don't go into accounting for the pussy....
Your shirt... Was in my pants
Long story short I shit on a sidewalk while walking with multiple people. Then sprinted around the streets of Tallahassee in only gym shorts as I tore my toga off and wore it as a cape.
Caitlin, you were laying in your bed feeding your dog ritz chips and singing a whole new world at 4am loud enough your neighbors came over an asked you to stop.
I love my life
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