you fell asleep during kickboxing this morning
how does that even happen??
At some point we were all eating banana flavored rolling papers.
i wasn't gonna shower then i remembered i slept in my own piss
We have six bottles of wine and we are at target buying baby oil to grease up the sleds with, just in case you're interested.
Is it inception if it feels like another uterus is going to burst out of my current uterus?
Going through Bojangles drive thru chanting "KFC" hammered at 8:00 was the highlight.
I'm not gay but if a lesbian wants to eat my box out I'm not gonna say no to someone who knows what they're doing.
I noticed while having sex on Friday that I have great endurance. CrossFit works.
Your poor dick will look at you and scowl for all the abuse he's going to take this week.
I AM A SEXUAL NIGHTMARE
I can't hangout tonight, I have a phone sex appointment at 10
My potted cactus died. I am literally less nurturing than the desert.
I'm not strong. I'm hormonal, sad, lonely, and trying to get laid via tinder
Morning! Got your 3am VM to remind you to get up for spin class and also confirm you were not murdered by the sketchy guy at brunch yesterday. So this is your literal and metaphorical wake up call.
I have a whole new respect for her. She chugged half a bottle of jack daniels, and then peed all over his wall. Serves him right.
Randomize
