I just saw a girl make a shank with the underwire in her bra...
woke up to an overdrawn credit card. did you order the dawsons creek boxset last night?
i hope so.
i'm moving back early just in case the freshmen need a tour of the school
oh right the one that ends on your bed
Does he not understand that naked slip and slide needs supervision after dark?!
Be subtle and tell lucas that he should sleep here tonight. And by subtle, i mean show him this text...
I really want to fuck that guy in the full wind breaker suit
I hate you so much right now. You got us kicked out of my favorite bar because your drunk ass was hogging the Bluetooth jukebox and would play NOTHING but that goddamn skeleton song. IT'S NOT EVEN OCTOBER YET.
Spopky scrzy skeletonssz
Also a shrinking boner emoji would be helpful
10 shots in she's sitting on the floor using the open dishwasher door as a plate to eat her "life giving" pizza.
He made me tacos after the sex. Best date ever!
I don't remember much, but I remember he called me the dick whisperer, so it must not have been all bad.
I'm just waking up. I awoke in a towel (I must have showered at some point),i also found a half eaten McChicken in my bed and vomit in the toilet. Seems like I'm winning at life
Don't worry about it too much, but I just committed us to possibly raising a kid
So i dislocated my knee but still went home and fucked his brains out. Nothing gets in the way of my sex life. NOTHING.
Ugh. All the good hoes are in their third trimester.
Randomize
