I just saw a girl play flip cup with only her tongue
I'm in love
My drunk body wants to fuck you so bad, but my high mind is telling me it's too much work. I think I'm just gonna stay home and eat some Mac and cheese. Sorry.
i left with the words "thank you for undersanding my sluttiness"
So just to get a feel for things...how prone are you to male Amish strippers...
I'm about to do the walk of shame in a christmas onesie. What would I do without christmas sweater party season?
WHEN THE FUCK DID MCDONALD'S DECIDE TO QUIT SERVING BURGERS AT 1:00AM?
I would peed on everything
dude you literally had like 30 screwdrivers, i thought you were gonna die
that explains why my vomit smells like it came from florida
As yoda would say; A bitch, she is.
No. Nooooo. No way. She looked like Amanda Bynes. The recent one not the one from All That.
I figured it out! The supermoon explains how I managed to have sex with 3 dudes in 3 nights without leaving the apartment.
I had a dream last night that I used a condom when I had sex. That's how I knew it was a dream
I fell asleep completely naked, standing up with my arms and head in the freezer
They both showed up at the same time... to surprise me. One had flowers and the other had chocolates. Needless to say, I will be at the bar all weekend long trying to figure out how this happens.
Like I’ve seen him completely trashed and I’ve also seen him rip shirtsleeves off with his teeth and I can’t tell if I’m intrigued or not
You shouted “im bobby labonte!” In the process of shoutgunning a beer. He said you were too redneck for him...
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