I had a dream you and I were having sex. It was pretty romantic.... until you started pulling out toys.
Wait, how is it that I'm just getting ready to go out and you're already showing your penis to freshmen girls?
just wrote a 6 page paper on my blackberry. including 3 sources. college is teaching me good things so far.
Dont worry about the blood on the pillow. its from my face.
We were confused who drove until we went outside and her cupholders were torn out of the dash and laying on the ground
She barfed in the corner of the baby pool. Then she yelled "it's okay" repeatedly while trying to scoop it out.
They found a chair, duct taped me to it, then gave me a bottle of vodka to 'make me feel at home'
Remembering I sold my brand new Blackberry to a stranger for a few pints = Worst night of my life. Now to work out what I did with my shoes.
Her roommate "grounded" her because she drunkenly tried to fill their fish tank with vodka
I'm semi drunk. I just bought you penis moisturizer. Not kidding. Keep an eye out for the package. Merry Christmas.
I don't remember but we shouldn't have a problem. Unless drunk you encouraged drunk me not to wear a condom.
I think we have a problem.
I'm a terrible friend...i should have come right over instead of having sex for an hour and a half. :/ want anything from burger king?
My code for I need help will be if I'm holding a bud light lime..
I woke up and my backpack was empty. He used me for sex, and back to school supplies.
I was so drunk last night dude. I woke up this morning to my oven being wide open and my pants on the kitchen floor.
Randomize
