my boyfriend just named your boyfriend's penis.
You should've come with us, we're at Home Depot looking for men.
i just remembered that i beat off next to you while we were naked and passed out next to each other after last night... No Homo
we'll penetrate his innocence with our dicks
I'm on the strip, it's like a mini new years eve. Some girl just got taken away on a stretcher with her meter margarita in her hand claiming it's trophy for being awesome. Damn tourists are lightweights.
woke up rolled in a yoga mat listening to enya. I'm never going back to Oregon ever again.
considering how much of last night I don't remember and the amount of ones laying on my desk right now, it's safe to say I'm concerned
Who cheats on Christmas eve? It's just asking for Jesus to hate you
I miss the good ol days when id just come home from school and thered be a costco size box of condoms on my bed.
my parents really loved me back then.
I'm like a magical alcohol dispenser. I pulled this kahlua out of my vagina.
It's fun yes. But hard on the body. I woke up with her purse, socks and one of her shoes in my room. The other shoe was outside. What the fuck were we doing last night?
No. Way more drunk than the night I put a snowball in my purse "for later" and woke up to find everything soaking the next day.
But less drunk than the day that Pete took four of your birth control pills thinking they were Advil, right?
Soooo I think my neighbor just saw me masturbating on my porch
I would just like to say that I had morning sex today to the Hamilton soundtrack. So.
So, I found your eyebrow, someone glued it in between my eyebrows so I looked like I had a unibrow when I went to work...
Randomize
