I heard you aren't going to graduate...that suck sorry bro
I heard your girlfriend is trying to spread swine flu because she wants to wear one of those masks to cover up her broke ass teeth
True Life: I puke at bars and try to catch it in my hand...then walk away like it didn't happen
Just saw a maroon grand am stop on my street, the driver opened the door, vomited, and then drove away like nothing happened. Been there, done that.
Just bonged a beer from a vuvuzela...this place is only doing good for me
just passed out again, this time at a subway. On a positive not they gave me a free sandwich, pretty sure out pity but at this point i don't care
Saturday dinner is funfetti cake and merlot. Singlehood has come to this.
I think if it were a part of everyone's daily routine, the world would be happier. International Finger Yourself While Bathing Day.
i was really disappointed no one would drink beer from our cleavage last night except for us
Lets trade lives
And i will lay in bed and piss all over everywhere, drink whiskey and have sex with married bears
Nope I went the fuck home like an adult
Thank you for deleting me from Instagram. Also, I'm carrying your child. Happy new year!
also I saw his dick in the morning light and it was glorious. Like staring upon your birthday cake you ordered from heaven and going " can't wait to eat that later"
The cop told me I was the prettiest guy he'd arrested in a while. I'm still not sure if it was a come on or not.
Gay?
German.
Pity.
Just told my mom life fisted my asshole. She looked at me with complete understanding. I'm scared...
Randomize