i just googled the alphabet. i couldnt remember if it was jklomnop or jklmnop.
I'm at the casino and some dude apparently has money in an entire row of slot machines. Its like watching a really intense adult version of wack a mole
I found it funny that her boobs actually kinda felt like a bag of sand. the 40 year old virgin should feel better about himself.
I thanked her for the handjob she gave me in the middle of the night. She had no idea what i was talking about. I think she sleep-jerked-me-off. Im def sleeping over tonight too
Why's my alcoholism being used to prove a point?
i proceeded to stick my hands in his pants while he continued to repeat i have a girlfriend
Get the cougar, get the cougar, get the cougar. Act like an injured baby deer. She will either eat you alive or nurse you back to health either way its still sex.
My vday gift was a joint bouquet, Finding Nemo on bluray, and a good shower fuck.
Um, WHAT A FUCKING KEEPER!
He was humming "here comes Peter cottontail" while unbuttoning his pants. Happy Easter to me
Whenever I'm hungover I try to stay in public as much as possible, hoping to be a cautionary tale to children. It's a public service, really.
it was cool until he whispered 'sounds like you need a good dicking' with a completely serious face and i just lost it
I came home and my mom goes "why are you barefoot and where the hell are your shoes?" and I replied "I have French fries"
GOOD MORNING! This is your wake up call! Just incase this text wasn't enough, I had sex on your bed last night while you were drunk hitting on my sister. Dan jizzed on your pillow! We rubbed it on both sides! Now get up and go to class!
Is it acceptable to bring pot to a funeral or am I going to have to do this shit sober?
You know its awkward when your mom walks in on you and your boyfriend yelling surprise....I was scared into an orgasm
Randomize
