Now would be a good time to set your alarm to pick me up from jail in the morning.
i told her that i loved her pillow breasts and then she asked me if i wanted to motor boat them. so yea, i do need the room tonite.
someone was throwing condoms at us.
no, they just magically show up around you.
just saw your exgirlfriend at the mall. her sister is pretty hot.
called that a week into the relationship. like driving off the lot with a 2010 and seeing the 2011 models coming in on the truck.
Help. Me. He just whispered 'prepare yourself', & sprayed hairspray everywheres to make sure the 'air was crisp'
I stole another quarter from the bathroom. I'm slowly getting rich drinking here.
Do you knowwwwww you never ha to pee while lhr on eztacy
He calls it "his noble steed" and i plan to ride it.
this is worse than the time i threw up a condom.
you're asking me why i keep burn ointment in my purse.... do you really want to know the answer to that question?
I find it worrying that she bit me in bed. Then proceeded to write her name in bite marks. All without ever losing the rhythm of our fucking.
Building a door into the garage so when I bring girls home my mom doesn't wake up.
Pathetic yet considerate
have you ever seen all dogs go to heaven this is important
I think I just read the whole internet. Front to back.
I feel like everything in my life has been preparing me for my future sex robot experience
You’re so close!!!
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