I know you are passed out now but when you wake up in the morning your keys are in the freezer and your probly gunna want to apologize to your gf...
If my body was a temple, I pissed all over the front stairs last night..
Anyway, my grandfather thinks you're attractive
For some reason fuck navy didn't go over quite as well as say fuck michigan;
Just saw a girl trying to crack an egg with her butt cheeks. I think I know what we're doing thursday night.
he just ordered a side of pineapple and winked at me. too much for a first date. come get me.
We had sex in the tent after his 6th beer and while we were at it we had conversations with the people outside the tent.
Oh my god. He likes it up the butt. But loves womanly support. Omg. Its bad. Its bad. Ive had too much whiskey for this to be ANYthing except bad.
If court goes my way we are flying to Vegas.
I wasn't vocally whispering "she wants to bite your dick off" about that kirsten girl was I?
Made a holiday JibJab of all my fucks. How's your night?
'go have sex with her' ddoes not count as wingman
One day no one will want to send me dick pics so by all means keep 'em coming
I refuse to take any type of advice let alone love advice from a motherfucker who is missing 3 fingers from a Fucked up masturbating accident.
I mean, who hasn’t been fingered in there back of an Uber?
Randomize
