Dude, I'm so high in the forest and I think I'm in a bear den.
She looked like cheddar but tasted like limburger...
You need to stop texting me at SEVEN in the morning. It wakes my one night stands up and makes for the awkward talk way too early.
If one more person calls me a lesbian I am going to have to give you head in public.
test run with donkey pinata disastrous. broken glass and tequila EVERYWHERE
I have a test in the morning in sign language about signs for drugs and alcohol use. Im drunk and rolling a blunt. I've never felt so confident about a grade in my life.
We had to leave after he was in the middle of the street yelling "Balls of Steeeeeeeeel!!"
Totally uneven. One tiny pussy lip that almost didn't exist and one giant lip that unfurled liked 5 different times half way down her leg and could have been used to hoist the mainsail on a pirate ship.
I did the walk of shame in nothing but a sleeping bag and now I'm on my way to pick up plan B. Let's not make a habit of this.
Sounds like a good New Years
Masturbated before I came into work and now the finger scanner won't clock me in. Fuck Valentines Day.
I got whiskey, so I think the blizzard and I are at an even match
Double check your contract and see if it says anything about sleeping with your manager
Currently googling hangover cures, which looks a lot like working from the perspective of my boss.
We were so amazed while watching mission impossible ghost protocol last night we didn't even have sex
Just threw up in a cup driving down the road because there was cop behind me and I didn't want to pull over. Not sure if winning or failing at life.
Randomize
