Every morning i wake up and check his twitter like a horoscope
the hot woman interviewing me is reading jokes off the back of laffy taffy.... I'm getting laid and possibly a job
i just did my hair and make up to walk our dogs.. I hate being the single roommate
No I remember falling down the stairs I just don't remember it hurting.
Also I got A jello shot for $2!!! It's like the forever 21 of bars
In debating whether or not it's worth getting out of bed and walking 5 feet down the hallway to go to the bathroom before I puke
Her boyfriend was wrestling another girl. But, she said she was okay with it because she kept checking for boners--w the back of her hand like she was checking for a fever
Cops are just so fun an beautifuk
All I know is that I woke up with my pajamas on inside out in front of a bowl of watered down kd. Sitting up. I didn't even make it to bed.
On way back. With a shopping cart. Minimal casualties.
the bandages come off on Tuesday. we can try out my new breasts then.
Waking up in a NH rest stop and reading through my texts is definitely a familiar low
My RA just sigh me high as fuck acting like a zombie and scratching at my door. Thoughts?
As a gift to myself for being so awesome at being single, I'm going to buy a vibrator
Omg worst high ever. I'm watching Parks and Rec, and all i can think about is how andy, leslie, and tom are my closest friends. Forever alone.
Randomize
