This is a mass text. Does anyone know where I am?
jersey shore has given me a vivid depiction of what things will be like for me once i get to hell
yeah, and then after the convo was clearly over, my dad decides to scream "SIZE MATTERS" just to make things even more uncomfortable.
I just can't bring boyfriends home.
She somehow inhaled a tack last night, she's having surgery today.
it is entirely possible that the police will be knocking on the door in 25 minutes
Fuck you. how could you leave me passed out hangin out my truck window when you knew it was starting to rain?
Kate gave me a 3 day old cup of tequila last night and forced me to chug it. P.s. i drew u a picture
I'm having flashbacks from last night. Did I admit to pausing Whitney's funeral because I was watching porn? I believe I did.
I once puked on the side of the hwy driving home and it somehow made me feel more Canadian. So don't rule it out
I JUST DEFLATED MY BOOB.
I DON'T KNOW WHETHER TO LAUGH OR CALL AN AMBULANCE.
Putting a positive pregnancy test next to my condoms in my drawer so I remember why I always need to use condoms
Plan: drunk dancing. Reality: drunk almost getting in fights with people that could beat me into the ground.
You don't have anything to lose--we've established that he's not going to murder you and he smells good.
I love that you'd blow off your high school reunion to get shit faced in an aquarium with us
Um. We all know how I feel about sea life
I think the pizza delivery guy is getting a handjob next door.
Randomize
