he was fingering the outside of my pants..i knew that was my cue to leave
Just printed out my Plan B coupon at the library. Saving my own printer ink and paper as well as 10 dollars towards not being knocked up.
This girl can open a bottle without using her hands and she's 21. She meets my standards
Woke up this morning on my doorstep in a basket with a branch, a lipstick lightning bolt on my head and a sign that said "the boy who lived." i love you guys.
my roommate just showed me the scar on her forehead... that she got from a shake weight... That. just. happened.
Not only have I fallen off the wagon, it ran me over and just kept going...
We proceeded to buy tattoos from the dollar store and interpretive dance to of monsters and men, it's safe to say he's my new fuck buddy
this one kid was speed-mumbling about putting broccoli in the printer
THE MAINTENANCE MEN WERE DOWN STAIRS AND I THOUGHT THEY WERE MY MOM. I'VE BEEN YELLING 'GRILL ME A CHEESE' AT THEM FOR HALF AN HOUR
L'Shannah Tovah!
Whats that? My new stripper name?
Just to clarify, i'm coming over for tacos not a threesome
He sent me a meme at 3am. Usually guys just send me booty calls that late. I think I'm in love
I need an outfit that says "thanks for hiring me" but also says "i want dick in my mouth".
I'm like a great zombie Jesus.
FIVE TIMES AND I HAVENT GOTTEN OFF ONCE
literally yelled NOOOO right before he finished .. yelled “five times and I still haven’t gotten off” when he was still inside me ..
Said “don’t worry I’ll get myself off tomorrow” to top it all off
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