i think i may have caused an international incident at the french embassy, just fyi
hahaha how?
its a long story involving a horse trailer and some shrubbery
Wasted at the beach. Toasting underage, overdeveloped girls. God bless 'em.
You told her the u were going to wrap your dick around her neck and start her like a lawn mower. thats why she left.
I love family holidays its the only time when playing beer pong, and smoking hookah with my family isnt looked down upon
she told me she sucks everyone's dick but mine because mine is too big and "hard to suck" i need to reevaluate the girls i fall in love with.
I've never heard a "this is the reason why i dont suck your cock" explanation go in that direction
Dude. No way. She insults the term butterface. She's a butternothing.
She started crying. I don't think she's gotten head from a sax player before.
I take back all the times I've said life was unfair. I'm about to have two trained bartenders for a girlfriend and roommate
Her fucking playlist had randy newman on it. It was like woody was watching the whole time.
It's official. I am the girl who threw up in the library. Hangovers and midterms do not mix.
it's only monday and im already failing all my classes. i give up. tequila tuesday is my only friend.
He invites me over too FucK and i wind up eating 6 jimboys tacos with his roommates. While he waited in his room. Maybe next time
Because you failed to stop the wedding, now I have to be a homewrecker. My eternal damnation is on your head I hope you're proud.
I've never been so excited to have my ass in so much pain.
if jesus wore shoes made out of pure flavor and hurricane kicked u in the face thats how it feels to eat pizza bites right now
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