I'll collect that couch/porn sloopy beedge tomorrow just FYI
drunk me just left notes all around the apt to remind shitfaced me that i have mashed potatoes in the fridge. do not take them down if you come home before me.
she uses eco-friendly sex toys. she is the literal definition of a hippie.
Got high and weighed everything in the house. My head is 16.2 pounds. Is that ok?
there was a trail of blood coming out of one of the bathroom stalls. thought of you
If i pass out for a while at graduation, please atleast TRY to wake me?
I think that the jello shots in bowls is where it all went wrong.
I woke up with a russian doll attached to my necklace and a post-it note with "keep babushka safe" written on it. Fuck vodka
You need to come back and help me drink our beer so the fridge has room for the other beers
She legitimately thought I was hiding in the fridge, then she checked the second one to be sure
like stop just cause your whole life has been one enormous reject pile does not mean that i have to suffer too
Like I'm literally drinking whiskey and making a stocking for my cat right now. What. Goes. On.
First night in my new apartment and I threw up in front of my neighbors door. Starting off this relationship strong.
This is what we get for finishing a whole box of Franzia by ourselves
Talk about having your cake and eating it he has basically demolished the whole fucking bakery
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