I wanted to tell him he wasn't actually in me, but my god, awkward?
They should make Glad Forceflex condoms.
Roller skating + drunkeness + peeing = mess
The woman exiting the men's room tried convincing me she was actually a good-looking man.
Highlight of my weekend: having my card suspended due to "suspicious charges" and standing in line at the gas station yelling at customer service on the phone that I really did go to 4 different strip clubs in one night
Just replaced the batteries in my vibrator without turning on the lights. I need to get laid.
well i mean she can't stop a weed based friendship...its like a trying to stop a bomb or a really fast train...
2:23 am. Im just at McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, paying in nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
2:26 am. Im just being thrown out of McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, without my nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
They are going to name an STD after you.
honestly my period and I are just as surprised to see each other every month
he sent me a green and gold dick pic and advised me I needed to come drive the snake from Ireland.
I just had drunken sex with an eagle scout behind the boy scouts of america building. what has my life come to?!
So high that I just walked into class, late, sat down in my desk, and tried to buckle my seatbelt.
Nice classy night out before we roll our faces off
Just shaved my balls on a moving train. By far the most dangerous stunt I've ever pulled
Randomize
