i don't know how boys match. i think shoes & belt are the only thing. it doesn't matter. i just know if they look stupid.
I just gave the bartender my number in roman numerals. If she figures it out, she's worth a shot
they got in a fight during sex...she came out yelling and covered in chocolate
Why is the garage door in the middle of the street?
Walk-of-shaming home from Brooklyn in a Jesus costume that has "what wouldn't Jesus do" written on the robe.
take 2 Ambien then drink a Red Bull and watch Alice in Wonderland. Trust me.
I'll be there. With Doritos and whisky. Don't expect much more.
remember when I told you about my grandma asking me about my sex scars? Less comfortable than that
We just had a 30 min argument on the actual birth date of Jesus, it ended in my brother and ain't cursing each other and an 8 yr old answering it by using Siri.
was it wrong to tell him he's welcome in my pants any time?
I would go a lot of places to get laid. But I would NOT go to Staten Island.
I got asked to "be the filling in a man sandwich." You don't get to pick the club again. EVER.
I'm never going out with the ashleys again. it was whoreible. terrifyingly whoreible.
I just sold Adderall to a priest, im not quite sure how I feel about this situation
I passed out in your bed last night...there maybe a snickers and twix bar under your pillow
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