I feel like my life has just been one 21 year long episode of "i shouldn't be alive"
I got a 69.7 in accounting. I have this whole doing the bare minimum down to a science
I wonder sometimes what your vagina thinks about you.
11am puke and rally. THIS is what I'm gonna miss about college.
Doing laundry, just found a knob off your stove in my pants pocket. I don't know.
I think i morst likely have 95 %patulas for hands and probably i also went to eGypt with so manyfriends. We laids in the sarcaphoguses.
You sound pretty unsure about all of this.
You and Eric are like slutty bowling balls, and that poor family are the pins. They won't know what hit em.
strike, motherfucker.
I have been referring to it as "thanks for getting out of me day" all week. Do you think they will still take me to brunch tomorrow?
Your lack of dedication to alcohol is forcing me to drink with my ex husband. U suck
I'm thinking blowjobs and wheelchair sex should be part of any post-injury wellness plan.
But see that's the thing. I know i'm better looking than you, I just want you to be continually in a state of shock and awe that you could ever get a girlfriend this hot. You know?
Why are you there anyways?
Pickin up ball pit balls from craigslist
We shall need something stronger. Anal lube, the blood of a giraffe, and a bay leaf should do the trick. Make the paste and cover your left knee and anus in it.
You know the sex was rough when you wake up with a chipped tooth. I have no regrets
I know you would. And one day, we'll have a moment where i'll verbally assault a stranger for you.
Randomize
