Pooping in your heated bathroom to the sound of rain and instrumental guitar might be the greatest experience ever.
You'll be the guy with the raft that sells burritos on the river. You'd be legendary.
my mom just asked me why she found a half-eaten burrito in the hamper
it's my sixth sense. If there's an orgy within 20 miles of me i'll know about if. Or be a part of it.
There's an official council for his ex boyfriends. They told me they 'look forward to the day I join them'.
I feel like everything I touch in this bar I'm gonna get hepatitis. my kinda joint
I'm hiding out in the living room until he falls back asleep. If he catches a whiff of my tits, it's all over. I just need to play it cool. Babies can smell fear
I'm hungover as hell. I'm dying. I have no skin left on my knees
Its not gay if you're best friends and there's less than an inch of dick in the picture. That's where the line is drawn
Why didn't you tell me I was calling her by her sisters name all night?
He's getting me an energy drink and said good morning beautiful. He must sense i'm cutting him off from the sex.
I hate to stick you with the friend but I did all the work.
You had sex with him AND his man bun. Like not just him but also the bun.
for not the first time in my life, my clothes are covered in piss and i'm standing in line waiting to buy pedialyte at a convenience store
Sleeping with him wouldn't be considered hoeing out... It seems more like babysitting.
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