We had sex on the first date...do you think he thinks I'm a whore?
Yes and so do I
they got in a fight during sex...she came out yelling and covered in chocolate
The freshman sure do fuck up the whataburger line at 2am
What's the protocol on showing a video of me sucking the life out of my ex in order to prove beyond a doubt that I give great head???
I'm wearing cowboy boots and showing way too much cleavage to be in a place with no jaeger.
Would it be safe to assume you're the one that left my front door wide open and left yourself a trail of jaeger drops to find your way back?
You are the only one who would stop a bum, tell him to open up, then pour straight vodka in his mouth. You made his year.
i'm taking a spore imprint of the mushroom we found growing in our bathroom and sending a picture to ryan. he will then be able to tell if it's trip-worthy
He could stay over, if you'd just ask.
Yeah. What am I supposed to say? "Oh, my couch is occupied, but my vagina's not"
Hey my dad gave me life the least I can do is take him chicken strips and a pack of marlboros.
Also...I'm semi-dating the drug dealer that took me to bible study
When confronted with a choice of going home or fucking the band ALWAYS FUCK THE BAND!!
I need to wash the frat house off of me
I've reached the last of the wine in my cup so now I have to sit up in my bed to get it through the crazy straw
i almost got into an argument defending my life choices with a guinea pig eating chocolate cake at 4am
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