Haha dude youd die if you were here. Girl presenting is defending the new testament and did her report on JESUS. best believe i'm gonna ask some hungover, atheist ass questions
he belly flopped onto the beer pong table, and almost boke his face, so at that point we decided swimming would be safer for him.
If I EVER think it's a good idea to blow someone who just showed me their synchronized swimming performance on youtube again please correct me immediately.
There's a really old guy here with a really young girl. I'm guessing he has to make choo choo train noises to get his dick in her mouth.
I'm pretty sure that when my parents bought me those savings bonds they thought it would go towards something useful like tuition. Not your bail.
I told you I'd buy you lunch.
My chest hair is, as we speak, arching upward to embrace my neck beard. The union will be a storied one.
that's all we do, eat and hve sex, eat and have sex. he thinks it's bad and that we need to talk more or whatever but I'm just not seeing the problem...
I am the kind of drunk to where i can still drive a golf cart
I just had a great idea for an etsy shop. Sell all the shit bitches leave from one nighters
GET ME OUT OF HERE THE DOCTOR KNOWS HE IS JUDGING ME I DEMAND A PRISON BREAK
I woke up to Elf. I don't know which one of you put that in my DVD player when I passed out but I appreciate you.
just got a call from a life insurance sellsperson and apparently our xany dealer referenced us. not cool thats breaking the 4th wall
I asked him to help me break in the space ship aka my bed.
We're friends with benifits... The benifits being I'm fucking her boyfriend
Dude someone puked in a bowl n put it in the fridge. I thought it was salsa! Who does that?
Randomize
