Going to eat lunch. Bunch of people in church clothes, and we are hungover, wearing pajamas, and in real danger of puking on the floor. We're about to destroy the ambience of this joint.
while you were getting the key to the dorm from the lobby i was giving a drunk monolog to the security camera about my life
he had a TATTOO on his FACE. a tattoo on your face basically says "i've gone as far in society as i'd like to."
Next time I say "Watch this" Get me the fuck out of the bar.
I'm in the freezer. Shit took away any trace of hangover outa my body.
Apparently, "please don't I have to be in court tomorrow" is not a valid excuse for a girl to abstain from giving a massive hickey.
Please collect your boy friend. He semi-passed out on the couch and trying to grab bums as people walk by. Anyone's bum, he's not choosy.
Robert just walked in drunk, grabbed my Jameson from me, told me to let him do his thing, and spilled it all over the coffee table. Then he told me to grab a funnel because he was going home.
i want to live in a society where a 20 year old can wear pigtails and not get them called handlebars, because i look fucking adorable in them.
So when the drug raid cops tell you, you should get out of the relationship, it probably means its time.
A place where it's acceptable to show body parts is not a good place for me to be.
THERE IS WEED IN MY OVEN. HOW AM I EVER SUPPOSED TO MAKE CHICKEN PARMESAN WITH WEED IN MY OVEN.
"my nose is broken but I'm beer pong champ so it evens out really"
the girls would appreciate it if you invited over some drunk, single, straight men with low standards.
Found out that I went to the same elementary school as the guy I'm hooking up with. Kosher or no
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