your drunk exhusband is tryin to get with my drunk exgirlfriend. i think its funny. if you still talk to him dont say anything.
we're not divorced.
Why dose there have to be another girl there for you to do this?
its hotter. Way hotter.
im returning my roomates shirt with a "i got laid in this" thank you note
Its weird to pet your cat with a boner
What the fuck?
She shouted out halfway through "that costume does nothing to hide your cock". Last time we let her drink at the theatre.
Just found the cutest bag of coke under my bed. I'm going to get fucked up and bleach the cat vomit out of my sheets.
all law school has taught me so far is how to fart quietly during lectures and how to out-argue the ice cream guy when he screws me out of extra toppings.
Please tell me there isn't another video of me on the toilet...
I beat my mom's friend's boyfriend in a vodka chugging competition. Our generation FTW.
I had a 10 minute conversation with the refrigerator, it was telling me how it likes to be opened and closed. Ecstasy, I love you.
No! Last time I got hit with a beer bottle
Haha, Tuesday man
The only way he could ever pleasure me is if he lit himself on fire and let me watch
Are you trying to say I've made an emotionally well rounded transformation similar to the Grinch?
But forealz I'm gonna need a solid 52 orgasms so hydrate.
You just sent a mass text asking if anyone ever drank the blood of a goat in the glorious name of Satan...after that we confiscated any writing utensil
Randomize
