I Once took so much Ecstacy that I tried to hug a fire.
Drunk and had dance off with 8 year old. Lost. Still drinking
sweet and enthusiastic is code for tiny dick.
I'd rather say I'm a whore then admit it's his child. Its that bad.
I came so hard that my back seriously popped like 5 times.
I traded my shirt for vodka. I wonder if my parents can pinpoint where they went wrong raising me.
After you verbally abused the McDonalds employee for not making your fries fast enough, the fact that you woke up on a random lawn does not surprise me.
I'm sure me singing - rather loudly - "fuck me in the back seat" last night didn't help either.
So I'm sitting at my desk and Thunderstruck came on my iPod. I then proceeded to drink coffee every time I heard thunderstruck. Who says you don't remember anything from college?
Smoked a blunt with a girl i met at the bus stop today. What you did today is irrelevant
I'm going as either a recovering alcoholic, or as a guy who came to the party straight from work. Too literal?
Nothing says "future AA member" like bonging 40's out of a plastic flamingo.
So I had sex with a hook nosed, lisping masadonian last night.
Glad that degree in literature is paying off. Nice adjectives. Maybe set the bar a little higher though?
I lost my vibrator temporarily and for some unknown reason my first thought was that you might have stolen it. But then I realized you would never do that because you know it keeps me from killing people. But I am overtired and lacking in faith.
There were 7 of us cowering in the kitchen because you were swinging a giant, pink double headed dildo around like a nunchuk and hitting anyone who came near you with it.
Randomize