Just saw a man being put through a dui test on the side of the road... it was noon and he was on a bicycle. God bless texas.
woke up and she was making me crepes. definitely not the last time i fuck a culinary student
the coke olympics were a bad idea. there's a tree uprooted in the front of my building.
Springtime is officially here. I just used pool water to fill up the bong
I stole a road cone for their 13 yr old son. Apparently I told him to put Christmas lights on it, and "treat her like a lady."
well I woke up with about $3 in odd change and a note that said "I'm borrowing your weed." So, no, it didn't go to well.
It takes a special kind of man to fart REALLY loudly right before entering a woman and still get some. This has been a state of bootytown address.
oh my god. picked the worst day ever to not wear underwear...
I'm just gonna stop you right there because there is, in fact, no such thing.
do you ever wish you could like, jerk your heart off and be, like, emotionally satisfied? it'd feel like cuddling.
Holy shit, just saw a girl in the library smoking a bong disguised as a calculator
One day soon I'll learn the difference between a good high and way too high. Today is not the day.
Unless your apology includes a 20 something with loose morals and a daddy complex, I'm am not interested
I made a booty call at 3:30 am on a Monday... I think I just became the ultimate female fuckboy. I don't know whether to be ashamed or get myself a trophy.
Apparently last night I was doing back bends for the guy making my easy mac because clearly it wasn't easy enough for me.
Dude, I just turned down sexual favours because I need to study... What the fuck is wrong with me?
Randomize