"Ever since I killed her kid she be actin' shady." Actual quote overheard at Marine World just now. Oh God.
Just woke up in bed, AC on high, with a fresh pack of smokes, an unopened pint of vodka, and a bag w a beef patty w cheese in it. I think my roommate's like the toothfairy or something. Or that was way more Xanax than I needed.
I made a game called come to class high and eat nachos.
I think these people may actually be nudists. You know it's bad when I feel uncomfortable.
NoShamevember. You game?
I lied. Can't workout today. Only exercises I'm currently capable of doing are breathing ones to keep last night's drinks ending up all over the classroom.
I put ketchup in a girls hair last night. I need a sorry balloon
I remember you fighting a small man for the last of the pizza. Was there a midget in my house last night?
Currently playing charity bingo with coworkers so if u were ever gonna send a dick pic now is the time
I mean I just feel if I'm not being fat and lazy then I'm not really being myself
I feel awful. The bartender added me on Facebook and there's chips all over the bathroom floor
You may be fancy. But you'll never be having cheesy garlic bread and scotch at 3am fancy.
with the way the semester is going, being a stripper is starting to sound better and better everyday
Wait, how many people just saw my dick?
Just by hearing the girl outside reciting the info on her fake ID, I know it's gonna be a good night
Randomize
