If I had a nickel for every time I've used a condom, I'd have... two nickels.
Without porn, I would have few hobbies.
dude, the summer is killing me. i just woke up cause my balls were stuck to HER leg!
At a bar where three women in denim shorts are debating techniques and skillsets for wrangling goats. You stay classy Delaware.
I feel like after all he sees, the dog needs to get baptized.
Doctorate. Vaginahole. Cinnamon. Rainbow. Fill in the blanks in the morning.
Just took the worst coed shower ever. We both cried. AND I only shaved one leg.
We got three kegs and a backhoe. Now taking bets on what charges we end up getting arrested for. Will need bail money.
gona look into getting a tetanus booster and carrying an adrenaline shot...its going off this weekend
All I want is to send a text that says "i slept with someone while wearing nothing but purple argyle socks this weekend." But the only person i would send that to is you. But you already know. Because they were your socks.
Idk who invented dominoes cheese steak pizza but I wanna lick their balls
He is dating a girl who is on the Olympic shooting team...I've never been so scared to hit on a guy with a girlfriend in my entire life.
You told me to keep you from drinking, but we both know I'm not that kind of friend.
I cried over the lack of milkshakes I've consumed in the last month
I definitely don't have enough experience with hookers to be in this group text anymore.
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