he smells like the inside of heather mills' fake leg
They're donating plasma together for extra money. Couple of the fucking century.
my dad just told me he wants a furry wall in the house... i'm proud and concerned
Does your throat ever get sore from being choked too hard or do u think I'm just getting sick??
Somewhere during foreplay he said something about me only being with two other guys... I just went with it cause we have never had that conversation...
We told our cab driver we'd give him 3 grand if he pit maneuvered you guys in your cab.
Ok I have to ask, whose idea was it to used crushed up norcos as margarita salt? And what did they say to convince everybody else to think it was a good idea?
Hey do you know who I showed my dick to at the bar last night?
I sent two dick pics to a wrong number and one was in .gif format so it was helicoptering all over the place. I single handedly ruined a child's life.
Conversations we need to have while high 1) how mermaids reproduce 2) if blind people hallucinate what do they see 3) reincarnation
I woke up this morning half naked, smelling like an ash tray, with an empty bottle of jack next to me, and now someone named Dora the anal explorer is texting me.
She said "I feel like I haven't reached my full potential" and I couldn't figure if she meant in life or with the weed..
I knew I'd like her from the moment she supported me messing around with my co-worker on my lunch break
There's only two more days left to say you saw me naked this year.....I'll bring the booze, you got all of next year to rationalize why.
hey. this is your former cousin. you boned my best friend last night.
Randomize
