Aj just asked if we were going to the bulldog tonight..i told her no because of the expense and tests coming up..but mostly because i don't want herpes
my boss just made his own remix to aaron carter's i want candy. i cant decide if its the funniest or most embarrassing thing ive seen
Dude I just heard my boss singing from the bathroom "I love making poop"
Dude my date hates me, Im on a rooftop full of Turkish people, and Ricky Martin is blasting on the radio. I was wrong earlier when I said I have my shit together
it's a girl!!
That's great, I look forward to meeting her in 18 years
she was talking to me but i could help but stare at the extremely long hairs on her boobs. then she says, "your looking at the hair on my boobs aren't you"
It is obvious to me now why clam chowder & beer aren't a good combo.
I had a dream last night that you and me were eating cheesecake and according to my FATHER I was moaning really loud in my sleep. I seriously have issues.
I wanna get "leaving my dick in charge" drunk.
he's like a horny 3rd grader on cocaine. he needs a leash
Some guy is in my phone as Pat McAwesome.
Being hungover in this office is the actual worst. Like they look at me and know I was wasted at 1 am, karaokeing Billy Idol at a gay bar.
I helped you wax your vagina and you won't even get me Corn Nuts you fucking bitch?
He smoked and I was tired so left before we did anything. I literally left him high and dry.
Oh god, I forgot we had sex to Elton John
Randomize
