And God said, "Let there be Twilight," and it was so.
I should injure you considerably.
IS FOOTBALL GONNA SUCK HIS DICK? NO, IT IS NOT
It was only 12:11 and I needed to make a Pepto Latte and call it a night, I don't remember that being part of my new years resolution.
Did everyone make it back alive?
You say that with such hope.
Is that a no?
She has puke in her hair, is missing a shoe and is now crying. People trust her to be their child's teacher
what do i owe you?
$237.46 to be exact.
if im having that much fun on the weekend i better start remembering it.
how does 'resolution to respect myself more' follow 'he fucks me really hard'?
Putting a positive pregnancy test next to my condoms in my drawer so I remember why I always need to use condoms
Whatever. I just smoked another bowl so I don't care and wow I just noticed how fast my thumb moves when I text. I'm amazing.
Most men with as many freckles as you aren't vagina magnets. You are an exception to your kind.
On a scale from 1 to the worst weekend of my life, that was an 11. I can see again, though.
And I don't know if this is really ESP, or just a crazy feeling, but I'm pretty sure he has an std. Or at least a cold.
EW FUCK GROSS GODDAMMIT I WENT DOWNSTAIRS AND MY GODDAMN BROTHER WAS FINGERING SOME GIRL ON THE FLOOR DOESN'T HE KNOW HE FUCKING LIVES WITH PEOPLE
FUCK the WHO, FUCK cancer, I'm gonna eat fucking bacon.
Places I vomited today: hotel bathroom, in the cab to the airport, airport bathroom, airport terminal trashcan, plane seat 18E, and the plans bathroom
Fun wedding?
Yes. Very.
Randomize
