no ping pong balls so we're playing beer pong with an ornament. you can't tell me that's not festive.
This whole foot fetish thing is getting out of control. He would rather hold my feet than me after we fuck.
gave you a haircut while you slept. Please don't kill me.
Buying weed with grant money. God I love college. No other time are we presented with these opportunities.
Whatever. I'll just fuck him now and deal with the clingyness later.
The other night I NICELY told her she looked like Jack Sparrow
I think I'm going to add the date I dumped his sorry ass as a life event on FB.
I think that's justified.
Just fucked a MILF from Alaska. I love traveling.
Just opened up the freezer to find chocolate penis popsicles. Too hungover for this shit
Any chance I can buy my dignity back with $45?
Landen experienced Greenville for the first time last night. He was awaken by 2 cops and 4 EMS guys this morning in the bed of that truck that is for sale at the swashbuckler carwash, said he was trying to walk to waffle house... Greenville- 1, Landen- 0
A thong just fell out of my purse in front of my whole class maybe I should stop using this morning class as my walk of shame
What do you mean? Just eat his food and have sex with him. Unless you want a relationship, then just eat his food.
We had to push you home in an abandoned shopping trolley. You thought you were in a pirate boat and kept yelling "AVAST, ME HEARTIES".
I gave him a HANDJOB.
But then he finished from a handjob in under two minutes so who's really laughing?
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