Amandyke just told me shes gonna make my tongue her cum rag. i'm borderline terrified
we used that portable toilet as a cooler to keep coronas. next person who tells me hospitals arn't fun needs to come party in rm 180.
I just made my bed perfectly before realizing that I'll be too drunk to appreciate it tonight
It's almost like sex with her has gotten boring... like it's still good, but the creativity is lacking... it's times like these that i wish she still wanted me to gag her
my boss made my mugshot into an 'employee of the month' poster.
I just got my inseam measured in raffle tickets by a drag queen. Being fondled for charity is awesome.
at wine tasting. Can i cleanse my Palate with a frito?
That would warm my breasts.
In this context breast is a metaphor for soul.
theres 2 cans of open Campbell's soup on the counter and a note that says "guess which one is puke" ... want lunch?
I took did three shots of fireball and did and handstand. When I stood up some busty slut lead me my the hand down the hall into her dorm room.
But I'm sure your having and "a monumentally better time" repeating the 12th grade
She was two things I dont understand: tall and Christian
Well shit, I would've slept with him if I knew he was gonna be in the draft.
What's Spanish for "I shouldn't have worn these underwear to work?"
I need to buy fuckboy repellant for whenever I think it's a good idea to meet boys I found in tinder
I’m excited to finally meet my stalkee and his penis!
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