I'd fuck her but she fucked Dusty. And I'm pretty sure he's humped livestock
im having a hard time not telling ppl about ur bathroom story
you ever wonder how lesbians feel about girls being in relationships with other girls on facebook? could it annoy them more than it annoys me?
I saw a stripper quit while on stage to months ago nothing you tell me will amaze me
Woke up in my underwear and Christmas sweater. Only. Eggnog has won the battle but not the war.
My only downfall is that I can only take shots in twos.
Ugh why does it have to be margarita Monday. Why can't it be pants off dance off beer pong but with jager Monday.
Just saw identical twins riding scooters. Today is not real who the hell rides a scooter anymore
The amount of knuckle children I've had to the Farrah Abraham sex tape is disturbing and impressive
if i had known the extra weight would have gone to my tits, i would have started drinking years ago
Sooo a reasonable response to someone eating my lunch is to set the place on fire right?
When he pulled out it sounded like a balloon deflating
Well, you started screaming "I dont know you GO AWAY" to your mom when she was holding your hair as you threw up in her garden.
How high are you rn
Well I just ate a cheesecake straight from the box with a fork and now I’m laying upside down in a recliner chair seeing if I can Uber eats Doritos
So not that high
Excuse me. I’m a mature responsible adult.
You got your arm stuck in a vending machine trying to get fruit snacks.
I had a cast on my hand and if I paid for my fruit snacks, I’m getting my fruit snacks.
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