if i get the "i'm engaged" text one more time, i'm going to shoot myself in the face so my cats won't eat it when i die alone.
And then I'm going to yell into her vagina and see if it echoes
just used a paint mixing cup as a shot glass. thank u art school.
Went to the career fair today..I handed out many resumes to find out later that they say I have a bachelor o farts degree...Top that.
The lego bong didn't work. Just made us look stupid
I want to know him. He looks like he makes really good breakfast burritos.
i'll get you drunk even if i have to inject alcohol into your arm through an IV
you're the only one i would trust to do that
I like you as a friend, but I'm in love with your dick.
"If it gets you high just do it" I told him he was the Nike of drug abuse
You have to summon your inner elephant
My mom just gave me my fake back to buy her more wine.
That was the night, like, my hair caught on fire...
He's driving 2 hours to visit me and he's bringing weed. I love him so much.
Just let me put on a bra and brush the alcohol out of my hair.
Ive completely stopped wearing makeup. Not even eyebrows. Thats how sick of wisconsin I am.
Randomize
