Just got kicked out of the ocean for being "unsafe".
I went to class with the sex aroma on me. The hot sun doesn't help much.
If you ever find a dick that big chop it off and bring it to me.
Tonight when I'm getting a bj from a stripper I'm gonna imagine it's you bobbing down there
If they weren't representing Obama and the White House, they definitely would've punched me in the face.
Just made a memo in my blackberry that contains seth's funeral arrangements. I have a feeling he has big plans for the weekend.
I am the girl who goes to bed with her make-up on so that she doesn't have to fully redo it in the morning. I am obviously not ready to be a mother.
How does that even work?
I feel like one thing if I have going for me is that my bed looks like a nice place to have sex
where will you be at 9:30 tonight?
piledriving you in your roommate's bed?
I'm so high that hamburger just went up my nose. Mustard BURNS
I mean metaphorically speaking, maybe we've all fucked on top of a frat house at some point in our lives
He pulled out a red and green condom and then started humming "Here Comes Santa Claus." Happy holidays indeed.
I'm at a first year old's birthday party and a midget dressed as a cop just showed up. Word is we're going to toss and bowl with him. Updates to come.
if you were broke and planning on using koolaid as a tequila chaser which flavor would you pick?
what do u think we would be doing right now if we were together
Urinating on unicorns
Randomize
