I can't open my eyes
Lol why not?
Because I have fat ankles and I'm drunk
The best part was that when i tried to chase her she ran off in one of those barbie motorized jeeps that little kids use and i chased her on a big wheel, thru lincoln terrace
I'm quitting my job and I'm just going to become a professional drunk girls mistake.
Just looking for some anal play. An attempting to read atonement. The highbrow/lowbrow divide is striking.
I don't want the last thing I hear while alive to be Jesse's Girl
At this point I just want to meet a man with a job.
I was fucking trucked by the swat team last night on State Street after UK won. But I got a picture with the guy afterwards so I forgive him
All three of my roommates have their significant others over. We're all hanging out in the living room. It's like I'm the trifecta of third-wheeling
Ive done some fucked up shit, but last night was the first I have Poured milk on anothers mans face in the shower.
Great. I broke up with him before he could like my selfie, now I'm down a like.
He complimented the perfect handprints you left on each of my ass cheeks.Thanks.
Ok thats great. so just to recap: you fucked a billionare in his penthouse last night, and I had a glass of wine on the toilet.
Whoever said it shouldn't take a man to make you happy clearly wasn't having sex everyday.
he's smothering me... and not in the good, can you move your thigh off my face please?.. way
Had a dream we were competing for tomatos.
Randomize
