i dont know why he would complain when i touch him there.
He just walked in our room casually and said "big girls are hungry"
the only evidence i have from this weekend existing is a title page for a novel i tried writing called "the oyster who gave up drinking"
Part of my whole not being a slut anymore involves not giving other peoples boyfriends blowjobs
Do you remember puking up your retainer into the toilet and putting it right back in your mouth?
Thanks for not locking your door. I had to pee and there was a random person throwing up in my bathroom so I used yours. \nPS I stole your soap
well I woke up with about $3 in odd change and a note that said "I'm borrowing your weed." So, no, it didn't go to well.
Stoned in a petco on a Saturday. I figured out that ferrets can eat themselves out. Just picture it. Never leaving.
can i bring anything?
Any of the following: Sex doll, side dish, fruits/vegetables that look like dildos, beer
is there a theme i should know about?
Literally just had a girl put her street name into my phone. Yeah.
I should not be allowed to be in possession of a fifth and a phone at the same time.
My dad just said "fuck circus"
By the way can you translate "sorry, she played you bruh" to Spanish? Some Hispanic guy who spoke absolutely no English callled me last night and when I tried to tell him he had the wrong number the response was "como? No no no no...." And then click. He was gone
If sex isn’t mentioned at least three times at the dinner table, I’m not interested...
I may or may not be drunker than time right now.
Randomize
