this girl im hooking up with thought my ring was a purity ring... apparently im taking it too slow
i may or may not have puked on your loofa in the shower.
theres 5 guys on the side of the road with beads and their shirts off screaming at cars already.
Actually, considering the facts that I am wearing a duct tape dress and eating a gas station quesadilla, I am pretty good.
He was dressed in a pink dressing gown feeding people ketamine from a plastic sword he called Excalibur. how was your Monday?
Next time you think about divorce, consider this: a hot guy just walked in and I tried to suck in my back fat.
spending today hungover and untagging myself from all the pictures of me kissing girls so grandma doesnt have a heart attack. how was your new years?
We got to his house at 7am and two random guys were on the couch shot gunning beers saying we were late for the party
God I miss you. I want to fuck your face... Then do all the girly cuddly shit too.
He yelled "HOO-ah!" like Al Pacino when he pulled down his pants. Trust me, he has every right to.
I called him a "Beautiful Bastard" with "Beautiful Bastard Hair". That is how you pick up a guy from Denmark.
I'm a dude in a dress, who came to a party with Holly GoLightly, got hit on by Bambi's mom, and wants to do terrible things to Link. Halloween is weird
when I walked in the door they were passed out naked, on top of eachother, with tetris controllers in their hands.
Listen all I know is that mistakes were made and she stole the car and drove half an hour for food at 4 am
man do I wish I knew who this naked guy in my room was...
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