i'm sure there's a big cosmic reason for things working out the way they did. like, now you have awesome images to masturbate to.
i just ate two sandwiches and am debating booty calling my landlord
We must be getting old. All of our friends are having kids and they aren't illegitimate.
I'm going to fuck him so hard that his dick is going to fracture
Glad to see your being a lady about this
Bring it all. We will have a potluck of drugs. It will be magical.
In your drunken brilliance did you make bagel with what appears to be mac and cheese smeared on top and pink icing dip? Because if so it is sitting on the counter
This will be amazing. Plus he's going to do a line of cocaine off of the other guy's ass.
I may have just flashed my roommate as he walked in while my towel was falling. Now he knows what an American sized penis looks like I suppose
Next think I knew I was pretty much using his penis as a microphone... No more playing Eminem during hookups
Never play truth or dare with a girl who carries a dildo in her purse. I'll never go to a Denny's again.
I HAVE PIZZA MONEY AT ALL TIMES IT'S CALL EMERGENCY PLANNING
Yiu ever laugh so hard you stop breathing? Turns out weed -can- kill you.
Self reach around competition is what the Olympics has been missing all along. A true test of athleticism.
That girl is like a master class on how to be an unlovable crazy person.
QUIT STEALING MY PHONE AND SEXTING MY MOM!!!!
Randomize
