now i know why they say having sex with her is the equivalent to licking a pay phone
I told her I had to go to work this morning, got fully dressed in a suit, walked her out, drove around the block, parked, and walked right back in my apt and went back to sleep..
So this shipmate of mine somehow managed to throw up in his back pocket.
There is a different car in my driveway. Have no clue how I got home.
We have literally factored in $2200 for bail money in the budget. This vegas trip will be out of hand. We are signing confidentiality contracts.
A-plus on my thesis. I deserve the blowjob to end all blowjobs. And I wanna wear a crown while you do it.
Our halfway to Halloween party needs to never happen again. There were waaayy too many wasted cartoon characters passed out in my living room this morning...
You think posting ushers "let it burn" video on his fb page is in bad taste? haha
Double vision is so hot when a big dick is in sight. Thank you Bud Light.
Just found out i over drew my checking account on a 711 hot dog
Do u remember buying that
I remember eating it on the curb like a drunken hobo
He's like a computer from 2001 in a 2014 world. It just doesn't work. Lots of glitches.
Is there ever a non-asshole time to play the "I was a child prodigy" card?
That awkward moment when you hear your boss yelling during sex while you're on her couch eating Easy Mac.
We will just distract him with tacos and porn.
why the hell are you crying over taco bell?
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