Ah why did you tell everyone you dragged your sac across my face!
My therapist said that she thinks i may have a sex addiction. I think she may be a terrible therapist.
Want me to drive you to Dr. Drew's sex rehab?
Nah, cause then i cant masturbate to that show anymore.
Stage 55 clinger. not a typo. I cannot even believe this shit.
So, we're going at it on the sink when a German kid walks in and starts brushing his teeth. I love hostel sex.
I feel like the only phrases I can clearly speak while drunk consist of: i'm fucking drunk, chug, and shots
Bartender at the wedding asked if he was making my drinks too strong. I laughed at him.
You were saying you didn't want to go home and insisted that I drop you guys off at your uncles. That's how you ended up sleeping on a porch with two dudes
I didn't know he had a girlfriend until after we had sex when he said, "Man I really gotta stop cheating on my girlfriend."
It might have taken me 30 minutes but I finally finished the toast I made. That hungover.
Prepare for massive TMI but anyway long story short I have a Swiss flag band-aid across my balls.
What a patriot you are. How'd it happen?
I've been wearing the same clothes for 3 days and they're covered in franzia
We were banging then all I remember is coming down hard and smashing my top teeth off his forehead. I just rolled off and tapped out. Done-zo
I think the cashier could tell I was sad. All I bought was penis shaped food and chocolate
Working nightshift means its never too early to start drinking- and you can quote me on that
I have dined. Now I want to get fucked.
Randomize
