You just took 4 shots. 2 of them were maple syrup.
Puking blue powerade in mcdonalds parking lot to the applause of the guy taking out the trash with man in the mirror blasting in the background. Good morning stl
I let some guy put hot sauce in my asshole for his birthday
tonight is proof that a xbox 360 will always be more reliable than a girl ever will
and a girl gets the red ring of death every month
I was to drunk to drive all the way up there, so we just had rough phone sex instead
gettin drunk isnt as much fun when i can use my own id for it
When are you comin back?
probably mid next week, depending on when i finish my remaining half gallons
Random girl at this party just gave me a lap dance in a la-Z-boy. Night significantly improved.
Did my good deed for the day.. Helped an old guy hide his beer on the NJ transit while the ticket lady came by
I've decided I want to blow you wearing a santa hat.
Aren't rabbit ears more seasonally appropriate?
To tired for the bar. Came home and drank wine out of the bottle. Kind of don't want to know what that says about my life.
All together there was 318 cigarette butts in the pool... And my microwave.
sometimes when you're high at work you just have to say fuck it and eat the dog treats
Did you know that if you chase vodka with cheap red wine it tastes exactly like college alcoholism?
I know it's going to be a good day because he didn't notice the bite mark on my butt.
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