put your butt on the phone this is a booty call
does wine, beer, and vodka mix well??
dude, everything can mix, this is college.
Shut up. It sucks being the ugly friend, I would know, but someones gotta play the role
And I'm PMSing. So if I'm not crying, I'm masturbating.
we found you under the sink... we opened up the doors and you told us to go away because you were playing indian in the cupboard
He made a fake guest pass that was just a note card with "I'm here. Me." written in sharpie, and tried to convince the security guard it was real.
Jacob lost his virginity in a threesome. I am deffs fucking this kid.
DURING A THUNDERSTORM ON HIS BIRTHDAY.
Yeah, surprised you made it on time this morning. Remarkable, considering 2 hours ago you were pretending to be talking window curtains.
I've been there a week.. I'd rather all my coworkers not know that I'm already sleeping with my boss.
If you were more comfortable around gay men, then you too could get wasted at the gay dance club and go home with hot girls.
I have never fucking hated the horrible sound of dozens of off-key recorders BLARING their fucked rendition of "Fais Do-Do" in unison against the screams of an adult male... more than I do now. This is why people avoid teaching. Kill me. End it all.
Is this like a preordered booty call?
Vibrator fell off the top of the dresser and hit me. This might be the most embarrassing black eye incident ever
Preface: Im drunk. But i think id make a good assasin. That is all.
so then the cop took one last hit off our blunt and then drove off in his car and we just all stood there thinking, yea... that just happened...
Randomize
