you miss my big massive throbbing cock dont you?
Woah.
that's not how you spell hell yes.
i just realized i've been trying to levitate the potatoe chip out of her hand for the past ten minutes. i think i smoked to much.
shouldn't i get a discount if shes pregnant?
You know that it's no longer pregaming if you don't go anywhere, right? That's just drinking alone.
so the plumber came, he found condoms, feathers and glitter in the pipes.
Doubtful. That seems irresponsible. The 4th will kill you if you stopped drinking until then. Let's think logically.
Why do I always miss the parties you're naked at?!
I get naked cuz your not there
it says 'tasty bitch' in sharpie on my tits...
its 2pm. u awake yet?
ill text u back later. still peeling fingernail polish off my face.
Well, I have a text in my phone that just says "Scrumtrelescent" from a girl I have in here as "Cheesy Tits", so you figure out how my night was going.
Do you think I'm short enough to dress up in a ghost costume and go trick or treating and have people believe that I'm actually a child?
Open the door and I will lure them out to freedom with viagra and candy orange slices. You know they love that shit.
I'm actually glad the whole thing's over now. It's exhausting to fake a pregnancy.
Imagine not having to fake it.
Yeah, I should never have kids, probably.
You kept yelling stranger danger at Nick because he was talking to that girl you didn't like. Your not invited ever again.
we live vicariously through your huge boobs
Randomize
