I need a slap back to reality. Or at least a slap back to homosexuality
how do I set my phone to only ring when I'm asleep when sex is certain?
I should just wear a shirt that says "Im Sorry" on the front because the second we land in Vegas, I'm going to be a fuckin trainwreck.
I have fifteen cents in cash and 80 cents in the bank. BUT I have weed.
then again I'm sitting on a tree stump completely naked in the dark listening to some type of glee soundtrack.
come over i need a lifeguard for my shower
I've decided, even as much fun as it sounds, I don't care for his sodomy box.
You ad-libbed two DETAILED rounds of price is right, 1 wheel of fortune, and 1 deal or no deal.... by yourself with sound effects and music included
I received a letter in the mail from my ex equipped with a used condom,dirt, some hair, and a nude portrait of myself.
Missing part of a tooth cos I tried to open a beer with my teeth, just saw a dude that looked like bill Cosby though so things are looking up
Hungover. Have to fix everything I've broken. I'm gonna be very late.
Got stuck at my fwb place for three days because I decided sex was more important than my safety in the weather. Worth it.
There is absolutely a 0% chance my hips will make it out of this twerking business fully functional
I got so high that I ate a protein bar while in the shower. I then proceeded to leave half the protein bar and the wrapper on the ledge in my shower. Haha oh well.
I want to be her friend more than I want to fuck her boyfriend.
Randomize
