I hate how you keep a running list of people who have seen me naked.
I'm drinking a margarita out of my 'best bj' trophy and it tastes like victory.
I admit it's going to be hard to top a limo orgy and Mcnuggets....but I have faith in you
It smelled like mall pretzels. Of course I investigated.
I'm impressed you managed to decipher 'annslqllpprebBcncnj' into 'I'm drunk at the Vic, come pick me up and do me on the kitchen table'
This has been the most pleasant arrest experience I've ever had.
Your first words after putting out the flames, "how am I supposed to eat girls out with my top lip burned off??"
Yeah no more flaming everclear shots.
oh wow I have been there. Hell one time Matt and I woke up naked with pizza rolls in the bed.
There's jack Daniels coming out of my eyes instead of tears.
i decided this morning while eating my breakfast of red bull and cold pizza that i should take a vow of celibacy
OH MY GOD IT'S LIKE SHOOTING FISH IN A BARREL, EXCEPT INSTEAD OF FISH THEY ARE FIGHTER PILOTS
Officially conquered sex on my couch with my dad asleep in the next room
I like how you say "conquered" as if that was your sole mission in life
just chugging fertility tea and vodka, no big deal.
You told your boyfriend he needed to fuck you in the tree because it would make you guys one with nature.
Did he?
I woke up naked and alone this morning. What a life
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