she was giving me head and that cheryl crow 'youre favorite mistake' song came on. she looks up and all i could do was nod
i just made mint juleps with bourbon and fresh breath strips. i am the macgyver of alcohol.
He fell asleep and they duct taped him to the floor. He's pissed.
she puked as i came inside her. that has to mean something.
He is eating chips off the floor in the emergency room..
Strike three, the fat brides maid they call shit puker also has herpes.
Ugh..Yesterday was a complete alcohol fueled shit show. Not making eye contact with anyone today. Don't deserve it. Eye contact is for decent people.
I'M ALSO PLAYING VIDEO GAMES AND THINKING ABOUT ORDERING A PJIZZA. I'M NOT SURE WHAT MY MUSTACHE WANTS.
Well just watched a guy puke in a trash can then proceed to pick pizza outta said trash can and eat it
It's all fun and games until your AARP eligible neighbors end up blacking out in your yard at 5pm with a box of franzia. I'm feeling a great year ahead
Within the span of 10 minutes, I managed to make a slip 'n slide on his stomach, threatened to pee on him, kneed myself in the eye, and almost fell asleep on the toilet....in that order.
Trying to decide who to DD on the fourth and I came up with a Who's who of guys I've hooked up with in the last month. Not an ideal situation, but I have a feeling it's gonna happen anyway.
I just tinder matched with a blue angels pilot. I need to make out with him. For America.
Well I mean he still had sex with me after I told him that I play fetch with the kids I take care of, so I'm not really looking too far ahead with him...
We're like a married couple, but we only have sex on college holidays and other people's birthdays.
Randomize
