Just pulled my keys, cell-phone and a pack of cigarettes out from between my cleavage. This one guy's face was priceless.
I just woke up wearing the O-ring from my dildo harness as a bracelet. Classy.
is it sad that i can describe this night as "the night that i was sober" and we all know which night it was. like literally one night of sobriety.
I wish I could sell my textbooks directly to my drug dealer and cut out the middle man
she let a homeless guy feel her up so she could go for a ride in his shopping cart
Also, ran into my neighbor across the street. He told me about scheduling his vasectomy. We are officially way beyond the acceptable point for asking his name again.
This stranger told me I should "start playing for the other team" and then continued to talk to me about the joys of being a lesbian
I should work for the FBI. Or planned parenthood.
That's quite a broad spectrum. What did you do?
Hey. There is naked girl with "plz don't touch her. She just turned 21" sharpied on her chest. What happened last night?
Doing a circuit workout and using a power hour playlist for my 1 minute timers. I am getting old. creative, but old.
Owwww. A manager/ employee sex scandal that DOES NOT involve me! SCORE!!!
She broke up with me. I guess I was in the most chaste lesbian relationship in the history of the world and had no idea.
Don't get into any trouble on your trip
The only foreseeable trouble would be pregnancy, but I gotta be sterile otherwise I'm beating some pretty fucking incredible odds
There were a lot of gay moments in between the Strippers and coke
100000% expect a picture of my ass in them
Randomize
