I think drunk me is telling hungover me something... I just have to crack the code.
i need to find a birthday card for her that tells her how happy i am that i can now legally bang her
Where else am I to apply my creativity?
I don't know. Anywhere productive and not involving sex toys would be a start.
in mid cry she says "I can be a whore if I want to"
I love having a vagina, its like having the keys to a city
He fucked a visibly pregnant girl. It doesn't get weirder than that.
We had to coat check the pizza.
just walked past the recycling bin in class, there's keystone cans in it. go cougs.
U should feel bad.. u r like a sex politician. All talk and no follow thru
4:37 am. You're wearing underwear and carpet skates. Borderline crying. You want to punch Morgan. Have not stopped singing Give Your Heart a Break.
BEHOLD THE MORNING PIGEON
SANCTIFY THE CHALK TADPOLE
THERE IS NO SOBRIETY. ONLY ZUUL.
I'm going to make out with someone. I'm on a mission. I don't even care if I'm wearing beer goggles. As long as he's not shorter than me, gay, or a woman.
i think god would be more upset with me for turning down such a beautifully crafted cock than he would for me liking girls
I'm at that point in my life where keeping an extra pair of underwear in my purse is normal.
When the paramedic asked Logan how he fell he explained that he was trying to lick his eyeball, missed and tripped over his own tongue.
Randomize
