I'm lost and stupid without you.
as nice as a boyfriend sounds, a relationship would require morals and self-restraint - both fields in which i lack.
momma always taught us never to change for a boy..
I just got hard thinking about a crunch wrap. Im done
I shouldn't have had sex with her. I feel that I may have opened a pandora's vagina
It hurts to peel the glue off my chest and i keep finding glitter in my hair.
I just wanted to decorate you...
I'm unshowered, and since I've seen this episode of say yes to the dress, I've decided to go to the store and get a frozen pizza at 10:20 am. I'm crushing life.
Yea we slept in ur room but im 80% sure we didnt have any peanut butter in there
Dude, I just hit your nipple with a bottle of lube while you were wearing a shirt, 10 feet away without my glasses and I only have "not bad" aim?
I just woke up ass naked on top of all my sheets, with no blinds in my room because i used them as togas, my back is killing me, im covered in sharpie, i have no memory of last night, and im pretty sure im still drunk. I consider the night a success
It's like everything I need in life within a five block radius: booze, toilets, dogs, dicks.
how much boxed wine can one drink before work in a couple of hours?
He is getting no nudes from me. I don't even care if I'm losing his legal advice.
Does sweetest day count when you're spending it with your fuck buddy, high and eating Pizza Hut?
I remember 2 things. 1. Hanging through the window. 2. And she needing a bucket to puke in. That’s all. I have no other memory.
I'm not saying you're stupid, just that you have bad luck when thinking...
Randomize
