Let's go to weight watchers and eat in front of them.
Our hot neighbor just came over and asked for a toilet plunger...not so hot anymore
We learned about herpes today in bio. I might as well have given the lecture
I was just given a safe word. It's going it be an interesting night.
i had to pay fifty dollars for throwing up in the limo, 60 fucking dollars to throw up all over myself
She puked her nose ring out of her face.
If my sophomore year were to be made into a novel, it would be titled "dances with salvia"
This is going to be the time I got green body paint on Chris' ceiling all over again...
I know of an excellent nanny. A lot like Mary Poppins but way cooler. And likes pot.
Well, I wish you luck on finding out who your boyfriend is
The only people allowed to make me cry are myself and Chris Hemsworth as Thor. And me.
Oh god. Charles just fell off the bar. Didn't spill his drink. He's come so far..
Thanks for the reference. If your boss hires me, I'll buy you a drink.
If my boss hires you, I'm going to need it.
Woman doing my Brazilian right now says to tell you she says hi...what has our life come to?
He's eating a sriracha ravioli sandwich. How do you think the night is going?
Randomize
