Well you will be happy to know that aaron carter hit on me
if you force a hooker to have sex with you and dont pay her would it be rape or theft? something to ponder
my little brother just caught me blowing my step cousin in the lobby bathroom at our family reunion
when i was 16 reading the aftercare instructions at the piercing place i wondered why they would ever think to warn me about getting semen in my bellybutton
then i met college
Your brother just informed me that half a mouthful is a unit of measurement. I love talking to members of your family.
my mom just poured a water bottle of wine to take my dog on a walk...
I just had a flash of me drinking straight vodka out of a condom...
Me and this 7 year old almost finished a large pizza. And when I say me and this 7 year old I really mean me.
Well apparently I decided it was easier I piss in the trash can at waffle house than In the toilet. Would've been ok if the trash can was in the bathroom.
My code for I need help will be if I'm holding a bud light lime..
You are COMPLAINING that the sex was too good. You're not getting any sympathy from me
Thank you. Next to bondage, soft American Apparel t-shirts are the best things you've taught me about.
Dude true life I died at the derby...I lost everyone I knew, went down a bourbon and mud slip and slide, lost my hat, fell off the roof of a porta potty, sprained my ankle and knee and then got arrested.
you got in a fight with your imaginary friend last night when he didn't catch you after a surprise trust fall
If i'm not ready, make sure i'm alive. Not passed out dead in the shower.
I'll still do breakfast to celebrate the life you've had.
Randomize
