Also my back is semi rug burned and I'm holding you fully responsible.
I would love to give you more rug burn
Your favorite bartender is back from prision
I wish alcohol would automatically work as birth control if you have sex drunk.
this is a mass text to all the people i smoke weed with. I have Mono, so if we've shared a bong/pipe. sorry man.
I don't remember you taking the condom off last night. Did you just walk home in it ?
It's like leaving me for his wife wasn't enough. He had to give me an STD too.
We need to re-create the Get Some Ass Tour 2002.
Um, 2 out of 3 people involved with that particular event are now married, so I don't think that will be happening.
HELLO, they're MARRIED! They need to get some ass more than anyone.
PS- I just ordered a two man zebra costume. Would you like to be my back end?
If you don't sing me a lullaby then I'll just take shots till I pass out
She clicked her fingers, said "here boy!", and pointed at her vagina.
They wont sell alcohol here on election day! HOW THE FUCK DO THEY EXPECT ME TO ENJOY THE ELECTION SOBER?
Drunk at work, covered in Cheetos is no way to go through life.
I found Cheetos.
He told me he was married and then fingered me on the kitchen counter. It was awkward to explaining the broken toaster to my roommates this morning...
I've never known a porn star before
There's not even an emoji for this
Honestly, I am sitting in my room watching Ciara videos and thinking I am super jealous of how she rides it.
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