Dude someone changed all the contacts in my phone to I Like Eggs
This just in: I met a girl who does the phone sex phone lines, and shes' 5'4" 320. I'll never get a hardon again through a phone.
I can't, I'm busy. I've been walking around Tokyo on google maps for an hour.
I would invite you but we are high and there is an AK-47. Not your scene.
Got hit on at a funeral service by cougar. I think I just got Reverse Will Ferrell'd.
I wish I had a "puke in your car" emoticon
btw im making up a story about these stitches..... i think a hockey stick to the face sounds better then i fell up the stairs
Is it cheating if its a threesome? This is more like a party game than infidelity.
A prostitute stole us beer at 3 am
Have you ever had chicken nuggets while high? Because it tastes like hearing the Beatles for the first time
Man i fell asleep on a random persons porch on the way home and woke up to the family banging on the windows trying to wake me up
"You're the only girl I haven't made out with yet" = worst pick up line ever
I keep worrying the police are going to come looking for us.
For which one? Starting a fire on my porch or having sex on my porch?
I'm in the recliner and i have a bottle of wine wedged in my cleavage, drinking from a straw. Clever and classy or pathetic and sloppy?
My boss just offered me a vodka mixed drink at work I do not have a real job
Randomize
