I just delivered a ham and cheese to a strip club. you were right this job is not that bad
Chick stood right next to me in the elevator. Like she had the whole elevator and she stood right next to me. So I farted.
I would have rather watched a full length video of myself masturbating than heard that.
There was an ice luge. Lets just leave it at that.
I just had to explain to my 62 year old advisor what "tea-bagging" was in the middle of her lecture. I smell extra credit. And maybe a demonstration.
No, we will not be going out tonight. We are trying to grow the toy donkey in whiskey rather than water. Serious fucking science. Have fun at the boring bar while we Bill Nye it up in this bitch.
I've literally never felt worse
My body feels like its decomposing
First week back and I made to one class, its gonna be okay after all.
Bought asot tix too. After Saturday I'm gonna be reborn like Jesus and no drugs until edc
I woke up and found a stick of butter in my pocket. There's no butter in the house so I don't know who's it is. Using it to make cookies.
Are there any plans to where i might need to be dressed semi-nicely or is it a "pants optional" weekend?
I'm fucking a man old enough to be my father who is also dating my boss. What have you done with your life?
Like I said, all hypothetical...unless, of course, you'd be into that. My heart may skip a beat.
...this is why fuck buddies should be only for grownups.
You guys do the cocaine and I'll do the dishes.
Randomize
