A little boy walked by his parents room one night, looked through the keyhole, and said "and that bitch tells me to stop sucking my thumb!"
Dude, I don't care how big her tits are. I have to dump her. She shit in my shower.
What if we had a smart house and we could just say "baked" and it would rain donuts?
Everybody knows the last week of summer internships include showing up to the office hammered and hitting on the CEO
I can't even tell you how many rave sticks I tore apart with my teeth last night.
Talking to her is like watching "Bad Life Choices: The Movie"
This guy has a theme song for the joints he rolls
I'm serious-it was like trying to deep-throat a minivan.
Today is going to be a great day. He just brought me a donut on his dick... It's Sticky Dick Donut Day!!!
I'm glad you enjoyed the night but why were you calling me "daddy"?
I left the office with a vacuum, 2 condoms and 300 dollars cash money. Tell me I don't have the most versatile job on the planet.
What the fuck were you guys talking about?
Lube wrestling.
Oh, makes sense.
You can cuddle me. Word on the street is my ass is ridiculous.
its 8 and I'm HUNGOVER!! how is that possible??
And our sex soundtracks thus far have been metal and Star Wars
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