New high or new low? Cat walked into the bathroom while I was taking a #2, looked @ me, sneezed and walked out..
Why are we friends again?
we need to get ahold of those "sexting" teens on tyra. HAWT!
wasnt one 13?
I asked my mother if she peed on that chair, she said "not bad" There is no good level of pee on a chair.
She told me I reminded her of the fair. And she wanted to deep fry my dick and eat it.
Now that I've lowered my makeout age to 21 I have a whole new sea to fish in.
she showed up with nothing but olive garden breadsticks in her purse.
Of course the bar would go completely silent right as I yell out "I don't have AIDS"
I'll even give you a complementary welcome blowjob.
HIS TAN HAS PUT ME TO SHAME. HE TOOK HIS PANTS OFF AND HIS DICK LOOKED LIKE A GHOST
His voice is like having sex with hot chocolate and then suddenly you're pregnant.
It's like everything I need in life within a five block radius: booze, toilets, dogs, dicks.
I just spent 12 consecutive hours in the same outfit and none of it was pajamas. If that's not personal growth, I don't know what is.
WHY DID YOU DRUNK DIAL MY MOM?!
Because mine was sitting on the bar stool next to me...
I am drunk and aggressive about the olympixs
It's spelled Olympics
I'm going to be there later than expected. There was a yo-yo incident...
Randomize
