wouldnt it be awesome if walks of shame were like charity walks...you could get sponsors and shit and donate money to curing STDs or cancer
Well apparently "don't come inside of me" wasn't one of the English phrases he understood! On the bright side... At least he will get his green card for having an american kid!
Telling me its the beginning of school is like telling me the crown royal fairy has come back from vacation.
Next time, showing us his dick should be his entry fee into your house.
i just peed with my friends in your backyard... do you still live here
Just found a g string in our driveway, wtf happened this weekend?
When you wake up so hungover that you don't even wanna cough for fear of vomiting... It's not gunna be a good day.
I remember doing shots of gin, then I have this strange memory of us making out in the womens room at waffle house.
I regret none of it.
This girl braided my pubes while i was asleep. Now i cant get them undone.
It's 2:10 am I am sprawled on the floor of the kitchen drunk and eating cold chicken wings come help
My purse is like an anchor I can't move I am sliding around like an over turned turtle send help
This floor is really dirty send a maid if you can
she definitely didn't appreciate it when you justified bringing her home by yelling to me "fat bitches need love too"
The groom's brother was an accomplishment. Then I remembered he was also the officiant. Check and check.
You know it's been a rough week when you funnel beers by yourself.
I wanted to say, you're welcome for your orgasms, thanks for not returning the favor, Needledick
How much beer/TP for a BJ? Trying to set my new rates.
Randomize
