remember that night jesus turned water into wine? DRUNKER.
who cares. he's ugly and has a dick this big -->
You just kept saying over and over "Tell me I won't do it." Someone finally told you you won't. You did. Welcome to herpes.
there are seriously like six guinea pigs in my bathtub right now
okay, certainly we can't screw this up, and even as I type, I know we will
Yeah, he said he was getting "welcome back Winnipeg Jets drunk" then puked on his jersey.
I really appreciate you zipping up my pants at the bar. You didn't even ruin my Bermuda triangle.
Do I need to take a photo of my sister's enlarged and disgustingly dark nipples to scare you into protection? DO I?
Please send me a thumbs up pic afterwards. No homo. After you've redressed and are heading for the walk of shame out of course
The yoga party turned into an underwear party because we are all incompetent when it comes to tying bed sheets.
This has been a Party Success Story
Walking my dog and eating a taco in last night's dress.. Classy
I tried to flirt with him by saying "catholics are cool" and he handed me a cup of water so i called him jesus and thanked him for the wine
We were looking everywhere for you and I finally found you in the closet talking to a build a bear.. So I gave you and myself another drink
Um, just removed my insulin from the fridge so that I could fit our case in there. Tell me, who has their priorities straight? THIS GIRL.
New one isn't as good asmy ex. She won't put her tongue up my butt
Peter this is your "ex"
I stand by what i said
Randomize
