broke, out of weed, out of gas, out of food, and my gf just left me.
you're writing country songs now?
I just sneezed and it tasted like taco bell.
The crowning achievement of my weekend was hooking up with someone I'm at least facebook friends with.
I took both his daughters virginities. There's no way he won't give me a job
i have rugburns grass stains and some road rash. im an all terrain slut
she wrote "need hug!" on a sticky note, put it on her back, and passed out on his bed. they're trying to figure out how she got into his room...
throwing up in the shower isnt as glamorous as i expected
since when the fuck is that glamorous?
I almost puked on my graduation application. perfect.
I no longer believe that the road to self esteem is through his penis.
My boyfriend's brother just got out of jail and he is already telling us to steal cable. Dude.
I might be offended if you don't bang me tomorrow. You know, for America.
Of course my parents remember you. You showed them your tits
How drunk were you? in an effort to seduce him, you demonstrated your lap dance skillz on his dog.
I literally ended up in this basement and was tangoing w my friend and then I peed in a supply closet and had to be put to bed
You peed on a flamingo?!?
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