I just woke up in bed with 4 girls. Either i dont remember the best night of my life or they think im gay.
Hindsight: maybe I should have included a few transitional texts in between talking about your son and my need to have sex. Do over?
i found him! he's on the front porch using a bag of potting soil as a pillow. i forgot i left him there.
she gave me head while i watched the '98 Rose Bowl on espn classic. Ryan Leaf really was a huge bust
The cops are here to take me to jail, so I guess I have to go with them. If I'm not out by 6 p.m., there is some left-over lasagna in the fridge for you.
I think we got naked. I can't remember but if you have "friends" written on your ass, then we did. Because I have "best" on mine.
Would I waste your time for mediocre porn?
I mean I know I'll get over it by like tonight but ew ew eww. I cannot. Dude I don't even know his name also I threw up on his penis
You know you have a problem when your man yells at you that his penis is not your personal play toy.
I've seen you go skiing on a Tuesday, but you think you're too good for TGI Friday's?
As much as I want you to bang someone other than me, he is an asshole.
You know you have a good math teacher when we're talkIng about mixture problems and no one gets it until he explains it by talking about mixing alcohol
Seriously considering taking a nap at lunchtime in my car. That. Hung. Over.
At least he uses his lack of impulse control for chaotic good instead of chaotic evil
i just turned on my printer and found 10 pounds of german chocolate inside. i think i found where you hid your candy last night
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