Ah why did you tell everyone you dragged your sac across my face!
TRUE LIFE: my roommate is growing a bush.
better yet, TRUE LIFE: my roommates boyfriend begged her to grow a bush.
well once we started drinking vodka out of wine glasses there was no turning back
She's more than welcome to come too, so long as she has gotten over that me being responsible for the death of her cat thing.
i feel like pizza bites are my only friend right now
Is it bad to get into the ocean at night? i always thought sharks hated the smell of vomit after drinking
This guy just tried to hit on me on facebook. His most recent listed education is middle school. This is my life.
The only thing worse than being arrested is the fact the cop confiscated my green dinosaur costume.
My boyfriend correctly calculated the time I would be out of alcohol and showed up about four minutes after I'd run out with two bottles of wine. I think this is love.
Well be careful man. Be careful. Wear shoes in the house. Safety. Safety first, then teamwork.
I wish drunk me came with subtitles
I told her I was going to masterbate myself into a coma... We have another date on Thursday.
We broke up. And I told him he better give me my fucking star wars movies tomorrow. Priorities.
He seemed genuinely disappointed when I told him I wasn't going to make out with him to Bring Me To Life by Evanescence so I feel like I've pinpointed the breaking point of this relationship
They just made me take another shot and I found out the liquor store next to my brothers house has a petting zoo
Mind. Blown.
Randomize
