marko just referred to some fat asian and a portly friend as Jupiter and one of its moons. unreal. hyte!
I just sold weed to a guy holding a baby...does this make me a bad person?
there's just something about her that screams "i'm into chicks who wear flannel"
really keith? you showed me your dick and your not gonna text me back
I woke up with a black eye and dim memories of announcing that i had super powers. I shoved my pockets full of canned tuna and tried to jump off the balcony. And then my boyfriend called the cops.
so you're not coming in to work today?
Your vagain smells worse when im sober.
sorry, worng number
OH MY GOD MY GRANDMA JUST SHOWED ME HER BOOB OH. MY. GOD.
Use "feeling words"
Yay
Ahh, 151. Think of it this way: it took one shot to get you buzzed, I took eight. I may or may not have broken a tv with my skull that night and met someone's parents naked and hungover the next morning.
I could see myself being this awkward weirdo drunk girl that patted strangers and danced terribly but was powerless to stop it
You're like the fucking Mozart of sexting.
You know you're an upperclassmen when you go to a party with no makeup, wet hair, weed socks, and no shoes, take a shot ski, then leave
Just realized how behind i am. Will gradually increase drinking until i don't remember that i missed an entire year of class.
he'll eat me out, but god forbid we double dip when sharing salsa
Just when I thought we may have our first low-key night together, I sang an Aladdin karaoke song to a bunch of roller derby girls, you took shots with married women, and we both fell asleep in our offices.
Randomize
