Alright folks.. i have made history - I just hit my 2nd PARKED car SOBER withing 6 months.. :*( wtf?!
Never eat 3 McGriddles and drink a carton of milk. It's like you're successfully killing self but you're alive.
I just learned that your liver regrows itself every 2 months. Best news I've heard all week.
I passed out on the floor of a truck stop. Drinking binge 2011 is now over.
sorry for allegedly lighting the beer pong balls of fire
So did u puke in his bathroom or all over his Olympic medals? Please say medals...
Jared is "trying to bite a strangers hat off" drunk. Oh, and that stranger is a girl at a table of 5 guys, one girl.
Omg I literally just wanna sleep with you right now. Like actual sleep. Not sex. Well maybe. But sleep first
im glad to be known as "the girl you had sex with on a golf course"
That's why i need nudes. Plutonic nudes.
Ugh im hungover from last night, and to top it all off, I think someone jacked my laptop.
umm ya, so we found it in the oven wrapped in a pillow case this morning
slept with a 6'5 mountain man from Montana and then he played 'Girls Just Wanna Have Fun' on repeat..
Shit. My boss is having me meet and greet with the new doc upstairs. Do you think his doctor powers will detect that I'm still high?
we started drinking at 4pm, somehows its 1 am im in bathing suit running from the cops.....any explanation of what happened?
Seriously considering taking a nap at lunchtime in my car. That. Hung. Over.
Randomize
