Just figured out how to smoke weed with a toaster.
So I just walked into the bathroom, and there was this kid, talking to his mom, while taking a shit. I flushed the toilet next to him and heard him say into the phone, "No, I'm not. I'm in my dorm."
DUUUDE!! just found out that the fbi has a kids page. guess who's got a new jumior officer printout badge?
She was adopted and used to dance at Sapphire. just my speed.
she's googling pictures of Freddy Mercury and whispering 'I'm ready'
Should I feel bad that I fucked her and made her ride my little brothers razor scooter home?
i totally fed the cab driver fruit salad with my hands while he was driving
I had to rush to my room and get my vibrator off my bed i didn't want him to know how long it's been since I had a decent fuck.
Just FYI, I'm breaking up with my boyfriend tonight and you need to be on call to be my first rebound bang
I ate you ate to the whole david gray album
i went to the 24h massage place last night and brought down the price for a hand job from $50 to $12.75 and half the big mac left in my bag.
Just did. I played that shit out so casual I deserve an Oscar. Or am Emmy, or whatever the fuck you get for acting like a boss
I guess you never know how much of an impact you have on someone until you sleep with their cousin
I just paid a hobo to give me his Santa hat so I can take Christmas nudes. Will send them later, they're fire.
i was really depressed when i left the health dept this morning after i had to write a higher number next to "partners" than "age"
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