It's like a parade of train wrecks.
dude your girlfriend loves you alot..she yelled your name lastnight in bed
Mac n' cheese is coming out of my nose. You can't make that feel better
you left your shoes but remembered to take your vodka. i see where your priorities are.
we're using his nephews tonka truck toy as a cooler for the beer
She cracked her neck before the blowjob and I knew shit just got real.
I'll get him an axe as a present. So he can break out of his closet. That axe being my penis.
A blind man just put his face in my cleavage. I'm also crying.
I smell like lime and condoms and I really want a waffle. Fuk
Let's have sex in an apple orchard
Who looks around on a bright, sunny day and says, "you know what? Today I'm going to write gay dinosaur erotica"
I think I got a sinus infection from puking out my nose on st. Patricks day #thisis26
When Pitbull's songs sum up your life... you know it's time for some serious life changes.
Kinda hard to look your partner in the face the day after a rousing game of How Many Ways Can I Capture Your Penis.
Yeah man, you were grinding with his wife, I wouldn't be worried about it
Randomize
