hanging on that rope, lady gaga looks exactly like a used tampon
all i know is that if they can hide that much blood in her outfit, they definitely could have hid a penis
then she woke up from sleeping for an hour and the first thing she said was "i regret it already"
You tried to convince her that if she gave you head she'd hear the ocean.....
just walk of shamed past a man riding a bike. RIDING A BIKE. what a wholesome life he must lead.
I'm blaming hurricane Irene if I get pregnant tonight.
I an in a belgian bar and i cant understand shit. Trying to talk to strangers. Getting drunk until we all speak the same language. Brace for updates.
Also, what is a socially acceptable way to introduce a crossbow in public?
I saw a guy do a line this morning in line to start the 5k, happy thanksgiving!
And when I feel bad about myself I go to the library and suck my pen over an open book, counting the seconds until a guy sits across from me and tries to get my attention
Sometimes I wish I lived alone because there would be no one to judge me if I wanted to have whiskey and popcorn for breakfast.
Just had a threesome with a married couple.
Stop living my dream.
I legit feel like I had sex with Joey Fatone. Is that weird?
I'm ready to run through the streets naked yelling "HES ALIVE!"
I woke up and saw that my last google search was "Bacon neck".
Help I accidentally unlocked this guy's tragic backstory and I need a rewind button!
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