just got out of a noise viloation because the cop recognized my roomate as his favorite chipotle burrito roller. just another reason I love ritos
its always fun the next morning to look around the room and see where all the clothing landed.
The stories of what you did in Cuba got home before you.
Waking up in a pool chair wrapped in toilet paper is not what I planned when I agreed to movie night
The kid in the park, who was on a leash I might add, looked at us and yelled "stranger danger" before hiding behind his dad
He was the only guy who ever made me cry..
Who, the park ranger who made you dump out your beer on the beach?
Its the least I can do really, I mean, I did sleep with her husband...
"Clean/organize my room day" turned into "Blast my old Jock Jams cds while getting high as fuck with a strobe light day"
Oh I will totally be your beard, but on one condition I get to watch you and your boy friend have sex.
Find me a cup with a lid so I can illegally drink in your car. I'll be there in bout 10 minutes.
He danced with some other girls and you started yelling "I can't believe I wasted half my Chili's gift card on you" at him
I think i should either cut my hair or buy a dildo.
Do you want to get naked and order pizza with me
I feel kind of like we’re in a gang and tonight is one of those “people are gonna know not to fuck with us” type of nights. And then tomorrow I am going to learn to pole dance. I’m not really sure how I got to this point in my life… but I like it.
I just thought I should tell you that I always know what you are doing. Everywhere. Every time. -Your loving Mother
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