the last thing i remember is fucking her. GAME CHANGER i woke up in another bedroom to her younger sister blowing me
I feel like my life has just been one 21 year long episode of "i shouldn't be alive"
i just entered cocaine into my calorie counter.
Do ex girlfriends even count for summer sexcapades. Seems like the damage had already been done
Victory lap
Remember my theory about how the universe perfectly unfolds to fuck me? Well, it's at work right now
There is a large scratch and bruise about the size of a pizza bagel next to my vagina. Please text back if you know what happened.
If you can find a Canadian Lesbian to have pity sex with me, let me know.
Last night did I take a piece of pizza out of your hand and then proceed to eat it?
Twice...
For future reference.... When you take a beer out of a 6pack... You don't insert your phone as a substitute.
Mom called her a cunt. I think that's code for "don't bring her over ever again."
Totally shot down my boss for sex today. Approaching this weekend with a clear conscience and an untouched vagina.
I'M WORRY THAT MY VAGINA WILL NEVER KNOW THE TOUCH OF A MAN AND YOU ARE MAKING A MIXTAPE
Never thought having a box of Cheerios could get me laid. My new lucky charm hello girl in 2B
I'm so glad I can be everyone's guide to the world of fucked up kinks
I have serious attachment issues. I just realized how long its been since ive smoked out of my bong and I feel guilty for dis owning it this week
Randomize
