how many beers do i need before it is acceptable to sleep with sam
enough that when i make fun of you for it tomorrow you wont even remember it happening
Whenever he makes me dinner its always mini things.. cheeseburgers, corndogs.. is he preparing me for something?
It was like the Ritz Carlton of jails. I got introduced to our criminal system the right way.
I think you missed the wrong class. Im pretty sure we were taught how to buy cocaine.
I hope no one at work will be able to read the "who wants body shots" on my chest. I forgot about it.
Also, my phone autocorrects ENABLER to all caps. I think I drunk text the word too often.
some fat dude with wolverine facial hair just walked out of your room with a snuggie. explanation needed.
NEVER LET ME DO THIS AGAIN I FEEL LIKE I'M GONNA SHIT MYSELF TO DEATH ARGHHHHHGHHG IS THIS WHAT DYSENTERY FEELS LIKE
That number that I thought was that dude's number...was actually my district manager's number. Fuckkkk.
She was lying on the table chugging back something when the table broke
She kept going
He ripped off his socks and ran around the basement barefoot. His feet turned black. Then he chugged Parmesan cheese. He chugged dry cheese dude.
btw telling the cab driver, that took you to your booty call that is now returning your wallet that you left in his cab, that you want to hug him is awkward
Drunk me commented on almost all of her pictures. My favorite one is titled "be as the sea". My comment is "cold, rough, large and letting anyone come inside you. you accomplished." Guessing I'm not invited to the party anymore.
I have 2 voicemails from u last night. one of them is just 5 min of u saying "doodling"...
If I'm getting through this pandemic I'm doing it drunk.
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