i just snorted my name. best moment ever
What do you mean you don't pregame your bikini waxes?
It ended with me crying and eating pizza in my closet.
Definately going to wake up wondering what happened to the other half of my lip.
I made him a flow chart of what to do if I got arrested.
I just look @ having a child spit on you as another form of birth control. I think my ovaries just tied themselves in a knot.
That's what he gets for shittin at the strip club. Who does that??
Today is a spill-drugs-all-over-myself kind of day.
Sent him a snap chat of him eating me out so he can relive the moment.
You screamed "i promise ill stop blowing your brother" in the middle of a packed restaurant at 1pm. We should maybe rethink our relationship.
You know your horny when you have a sex dream about Ace Ventura, if your wondering he's awful
Got an egg Mcmuffin combo, and put the hash brown in the sandwich. That level of hungover
Does anyone remember last night? Because I still don't know why I now own a goldfish and a ceiling fan made of pizza?
My history professo slid into my DMs. Granted I did give him “fuck me” eyes during a lecture a few times.
Well, we went shopping. He bought me starbucks and ate me out in the change room at target. If that isnt the best post covid first date, I don't know what is
Randomize
